Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

‘Twas the night before Star Wars, and geeks queued round the world
Counting the hours ’til the new flick was unfurled
The TIE fighters were hung atop the cinema with care
In hopes that Lord Vader soon would be there

The action figures were nestled home snug in their ship
With light sabre clutched tight in Skywalker’s grip
The Yoda masks [...]

I love a good M. Night Shyamalan movie. In theory, anyway. The Sixth Sense? With the kid who could see that Bruce Willis was indestructible? Loved it. Unbreakable, wherein our man Bruce dies in a train accident but doesn’t know it? Funny as all get out. But The Village? Engh. Now, I don’t want to [...]

I’ve been watching rhythmic gymnastics and, although it’s clearly not a sport, I find it almost unbelievably fascinating. These women are so flexible and graceful and flexible and flexible and so on… They intrigue me, for some indefinable reason. However, when they finish they don’t do a “And they’re my breasts” at the end, which [...]

I saw Bruce Almighty last night. I have a theory that Bruce Almighty and The Hulk might be the same movie. They both star a loser called Bruce who, thanks to a rather convoluted set of circumstances, receives superhuman powers from a nutty old man playing god. It’s just that in one movie Bruce learns [...]

Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more [...]