Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

I was talking to Bilbo this morning about the new game that he’s started playing called My Tribe. It’s basically a Civilization™ style of game where you create a little colony and then assign them tasks and they build a world and grow trees and research things and catch fish. All very innocent [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
Where do babies come from?
– Dazed And Confused

Dear Dazed And Confused,
The court order prevents me from revealing where they come from, but I can surely tell you where they’re going to: Angelina Jolie. She now has over 6,000 of them, in varying colours and denominations. She keeps the best ones in a wall [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
What do you think of cloning of babies?
– Truly Curious

Dear Truly Curious,
It seems reasonably clear that the biggest advantage in having a stockpile of perfectly duplicated backup babies stacked neatly in the baby storage cupboard is that it will help maintain vital discipline in the raising of the child (eg “Put those scissors [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
I want to be an actor but have no idea where to start! I’m 15 and went to this place today but the lady was very odd. I’m quite shy so I only want private lessons. Can you give me any advice?
– Bree Bootylicious Baby

Dear Bree Bootylicious,
Many of the finest actors in Hollywood [...]

Chubby Checker, the singer who tantalised the world in the 1960s with his twin hits Let’s Twist Againand The Twist (reverse order), today announced that he was looking for a new director for the upcoming movie based on his life story. The original director and Checker have parted ways, citing ‘creative differences’ and a ‘fundamental [...]

Starring Clark Kent (Tom Welling) as Superlad, Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum) as Sinead, Chloe Sullivan (Allison Mack) as TIAC, Jonathan Kent (John Schneider) as Bo, Martha Kent (Annette O’Toole) as Boring Old Ma, Lionel Luthor (John Glover) as Porthos, Kara Kent (Laura Vandervoort) as SBH and Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) as herself. For more information [...]

Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
Why is the sky blue?
– The Human Lozenge

Dear Human Lozenge,
The sky is blue because his “baby done gone left him and a-won’t be a-comin’ back”.