SMALLVILLE EXTRA
Score: 7 / 10 
Season Seven Spoilers
Who??? If you don't know who any of these people are, you clearly need a scorecard.
Super-secret Smallville spoilers for Season Seven:
- In his final season, Michael Rosenbaum will slacken off in all areas, leaving Sinead with unexplained head stubble (this will eventually be attributed to the fine work of Advanced Hair Studios). He will also perform most scenes with a script held in one hand and will talk directly to the camera whenever the urge takes him. Despite this, he will remain a more convincing actor than Kreuk and Welling.
- Lois will continue to shag every costumed individual who wanders into town. This will lead to a Metropolis-wide shortage in Spandex. Her conquests will include Elongated Man, The Crimson Avenger and (in the highest-rating episode to date) Black Canary (Katherine Heigl).
- Lana will 'die' in nine (9) separate episodes of the season. The deaths will come in a variety of forms, including being stabbed in the throat, electrocuted and an enforced around the clock repeat viewing of all of Season Four. None of these deaths will prove fatal, frustrating viewers everywhere.
- A hot, blonde Kryptonian named Kara will show up, causing everybody's jaws to drop. Superlad will be so pissed at the discovery that she's his cousin that he will order an immediate guest role for George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development so they can trade cousin-seduction tips.
- Jimmy-James Olsen will return with Perry White in tow. He will call Perry 'Chief', claiming he found him soused at a casino, dressed in nothing but full Native American headgear.
- Superlad will spend way too much time alone in his barn, pining for Lana. Both Bo (making a guest appearance from beyond the grave) and Senator Boring Old Ma (making an even spookier guest appearance from Washington) will urge him to get out more, but to no avail. Eventually the SS Jor-El will be left with no choice but to cut off his cable television.
- TIAC will continue to fret about being a meteor freak, despite nobody else giving a tinker's cuss about it. In desperation, she will claim to have the power to make small objects disappear and will perform sleight of hand that manages to fool nobody but Lana.
- Porthos will continue to toy with Lana, manipulating her into more and more implausible schemes, using only his inventive nous and his unmitigated predilection for evil. In between this, he'll spend time in Washington, shagging Senator Boring Old Ma silly.
- Green Arrow will return to the show for a six-episode arc. Everybody will tell Welling that the increased ratings in the female demographic are due to his (Tom's) new haircut.
- The SS Jor-El will yet again completely fuck things up for everybody in the season finale.
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Begone,
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