Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

1st ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 12:30pm New year, new plan!Will build on last year’s short filmtriumphs by writing award-winningscreenplay. Don’t know theme, plot,characters yet, but have strong imageof buck-toothed gent doing thecaterpillar. Solid foundation. Willstart writing tonight.

2nd ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 3:00pm Good start toscreenplay. Brainstormed themes andimages. Caterpillar-dancing mansuggests theme of spiritual rebirth.Buck teeth suggests vampirism. Like itlots! Rebirth can be both metaphoricaland literal. Also, must reread NewTestament - was Christ vampire?

3rd ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 3:00pm Checked Bible lastnight. Shamefully hazy on vampire Jesusevidence. Grudgingly conclude Christnot blood-sucking monster. Irrelevanttangent to movie anyway. Mustn’t getbogged down in irrelevant side issues.Must buy new pencils. Current one HBrather than 2B. Driving me bonkers!

4th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 6:20pm Spent all daysearching for decent pencils.Fruitless. What is wrong with thiscity?!?

5th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 3:10pm Decided on compellingsubplot for script. Man (possible name’Bevo’) searches city for pencil.Cannot find. Pencil symbolises link toancient scribes, dawn of mankind, etc.Inability to find reflects mankind’sobsession with modern technology ratherthan common historical bonds. Plus,without pencil, can’t write note towarn other vampire hunters! Withdamning consequences!! Like itlots!!

6th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:15pm Have very strong sensethat today start of somethingalarmingly good. Been listening toMichael Buble album. Have decided toname head vampire ‘Buble’. Moreimportantly, have sketched out entireplot. Flows neatly. Must search forThird Act twist, but now have solidfoundation. Will take tomorrow off tocelebrate.

7th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 11:25pm Big day! Went out fordrinks with Thomas Dolby. TD possessesenormous capacity for alcohol.Foolishly tried to keep pace. Ended updrunkenly pitching movie to entire pub.Threw back out attempting ‘Windmill’move. TD carried me homesingle-handedly. Immensely strong. Andtolerant. Ignored with good humour myincessant demands for him to sing ‘SheBlinded Me With Science’.

8th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Stuck in bed most ofthe day. Eventually, Janeane Garofalokind enough to come over and work onback. Agonisingly painful, butcompensated somewhat by JG’s canny plotsuggestions - in retrospect, obvious togive lead character fold-up umbrella,but didn’t see it until JGsuggested.

9th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Struggled out of bed.Took aspirin. Started writing. Mustlock self away from outsidedistractions.

10th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm More writing. Backstarting to feel better.

11th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Another day writing.Slow, steady progress.

12th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm More writing. Feeltedious, but satisified with progress.First Act almost done.

13th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 7:00pm Completed First Act.One third down, two thirds to go.Decided to invite Thomas Dolby over fordinner. Got machine. Left message. TDnever returned call. Hope not angryabout drunken night out. Order inChinese food instead. Forgot rice.Stupid.

14th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Started on Second Acttoday. Have feeling this will provetrickier. So many plot elements to tietogether. Must make sure pencil subplotdoes not overwhelm. Subtlety is key!Still no word from TD.

15th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Continued writing.Duck quack echo scene infinitely betterthan originally envisioned. Just rightblend of angst and techno-savvy. Also,witty as all get-out!

16th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Another steady writingday. About halfway through now. Strangecommentary on state of swing musicseems to have emerged organically fromscript. May provide welcome hint ofcontroversy!

17th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Thomas Dolbyeventually called back. Wasn’t avoidingme, simply had gig in Balkans.Apparently TD huge over there! Scriptcontinues to progress nicely. About tohead out for quick ‘welcome back’drink.

18th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 7:20pm No work done at alltoday. Quick drink with TD last nightended up as huge evening. Didn’t gethome until midday. Straight to bed.Woke up half hour ago. Cooking sausagesfor dinner. Wasted day!

19th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Back on track.Diligent day’s writing. Second Actapproaching conclusion.

20th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Finished Second Acttoday! Two thirds down, one third togo. Will not be celebrating with TD.Must retain focus.

21st ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Started Third Acttoday. Allrightey then. Let’s bringthis thing home!! Must also startthinking about who to pitch script toonce writing is done. Started puttingin calls. Stephen Dorff suspiciouslypleased to hear from me. Note, mustcheck Dorff’s recent work.

22nd ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm More writing. Lookingforward to finishing script so canresume social life. Spoke to Garofaloabout Dorff. Janeane very anti-Dorff,but vague on details! Even moreintrigued now. Garofalo-Dorff feud??Intriguing beyond measure!

23rd ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Continued to press JGon Dorff feud. Refused to offerdetails. Meddening!! Wrote well,however.

24th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 10:30pm Arrrrggghhh!! Computerblew up! Spent all day trying to fix.Reloaded backups. Found old notes aboutearly beach party scene. Had forgottenall about it! Went back. Reinserted.Strengthens opening considerably.Establishes break-dancing underworldmore convincingly. Silver lining.

25th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 5:10pm Put in call to agencyabout script. Agency represents JamesSpader, among others. Got on roll withwriting in afternoon. Shaping up well.Will be done by end of month.Huzzah!

26th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 4:00pm Wrote like thingpossessed. Distracted briefly bygrocery delivery. Forced to haggle overquality of nectarines. Eventually wonthree dollar discount. Heh. Triumphantday all round.

27th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 5:45pm Closing in on end now.Typing furiously and polysyllabicallyand with my fingers. Have vague ideafor ending - what if vampires are someform of mutated shark? Does thatstretch credibility? Think not, asrevelation resonates with first actbeach party motif. It is comingtogether…

28th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 8:45pm Finished screenplay!Huzzah! Very happy with ending.Electric boogaloo has never seemed sothematically appropriate. Smoked cigarin celebration. Spent rest of afternooncoughing up black pieces of ash. Mustlearn to smoke properly. And/or thinkof new celebratory technique. Also,clothes now stink. Emptied deodorantall over them but failed to removestench! Ate dinner naked.

29th ofJanuary, 2004DiaryNote: 1:30 pm Went tochemist to stock up on deodorant. Wasforced to queue behind Val Kilmer whowas engaged in furious argument overprice of Nurofen. Feel strangely emptyabout life. Also somewhatmalodorous.

30th ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 8:15am Breakfast meeting withJames Spader to discuss breakdancingvampires screenplay. Seems very keen,but staggered to discover he was lessthan three feet tall! Was assured thatevery film he works on has budgetelement for relevant CGI and forcedperspective shots. Must rethink ladderscene.

31st ofJanuary, 2004Diary Note: 10:20am Out of vacuum cleanerbags. Almost panicked, but jury-riggedsubstitute out of old Grease albumcover. Top that, MacGyver!

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