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Twister


Well, what an interesting little movie this turned out to be. Based on one of Shakespeare's lesser known plays, Twister is the tale of a man, a woman and the tornado that comes between them.

Helen Hunt is a woman who spends her life chasing twisters. Why? Well, because her father was killed by one. Like Batman, she seeks brutal vengeance. Sadly, she doesn't resort to dressing in a skin-tight bat costume but she does run around in a singlet for the entire movie - which is a reasonable substitute.

The main guy (whose name, let us assume, was Bill) was married to HH, but left her. Or she left him. Or something. They're not together, anyway, and Bill has decided to marry his shrink. But Bill, too, harbours a love for chasing twisters. I don't think his father was killed by one... I think it has more to do with the prospect of chasing HH around in that singlet.

Anyhow, so they're the characters. Here's the plot:

Somebody spots a twister. HH and Bill drive like maniacs to get in its path (they want to drop off in the path of the twister a giant barrel of ping pong balls with electric sensors inside them. When it gets sucked up, it will enable them to understand what a twister is and why it killed HH's father - no, I have no idea either). Things get blown at them. It gets really windy. HH screams. They run away from the twister.

Repeat with a bigger twister until you get to the end.

So this happens four of five times. Then we have the end.

Here's how it ends. Turn back now if you don't want to know the final scores.

Bill has discarded his fiance shrink (in a touching scene where she says 'I'm outta here, I can't compete with twisters' and Bill said 'Rightey-o') and he and HH are now chasing the biggest twister ever. Things are being blown everywhere. A tree is blown into their car, they keep driving. A semi-trailer is blown into their car. They keep driving through the explosions. On they drive in the impenetrable car.

Then, just when they get really close to the twister, they leap out of the car and let it drive straight into the middle. The ping pong balls fly up and everybody cheers.

Now, Bill and HH suddenly realise that they have abandoned the supercar that was protecting them from all kinds of hurtling debris that would otherwise have killed them totally dead. Furthermore, they're only about twenty metres from the biggest twister on Earth. Such stupidity has only one reward - a grisly demise. HH and Bill are sucked up by the twister and die.

At least, that's how I would have ended it. In the real movie, they just run away from the twister.

And that's it. A very stupid movie. I give it a 73.

The other thing that irked me was that no mention was given to the true heroes of this saga. Sure, Bill and HH drop the ping pong balls into the twister - but who analyses the data that the ping pong balls generate? That's right. A statistician. This wasn't made at all clear and I found it disappointing in the extreme.

Begone,

Indy

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