INDY REVIEWS
Score: 7 / 10 
Titanic
It is an established scientific fact that Titanic is the most wretched piece of unicorn snot ever to win eleven Academy Awards. Everybody knows this. But nobody ever does anything about it!
There are many faults with the movie (at last count, over 900,000!), but an obvious one is that the film is just too long. One hundred and ninety-four minutes?!? Madness. What was the king of the world thinking? For goodness sake, it takes half the damn film to hit the bloody iceberg. So here's a project for an up-and-coming young film editor with a glint in his eye and a hole in his lung:
Keep the post-iceberg portion of the movie. After all, it contains a man falling into a propeller, and you don't get finer cinematic entertainment than that. But condense the entire pre-iceberg storyline into a jaunty three-minute pre-credit sequence set to some upbeat pop music (say, My Sharona by the Knack). What, after all, do we need to establish? Kate doesn't like Billy. Leo likes Kate. Kate likes Leo. Leo draws Kate in the nuddy. Billy doesn't like this. Billy locks Leo away. A good editor could condense that down to a snappy three-minute montage.
Then you might have a movie.
Begone,
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