INDY REVIEWS
Score: 7.5 / 10 
The River Wild
Watched The River Wild (or Deliverance 2 as some may know it) last night. Meryl Streep is a champion rower, much like that guy who won five Olympic gold medals, except she's a chick and an Academy Award winner. She has a wimpy husband who is too scared to 'shoot the rapids' and an annoying kid with an annoying dog.
She is, therefore, overjoyed when Kevin Bacon footlooses his way into her life and stupid rowing expedition. They row together like a happy family but then about halfway through the movie Kev reveals that he's secretly evil by trying to shoot the dog. Meryl cries about this turn of events, as she is contractually obligated to do.
So now Kevin's kidnapped the family and they're rowing over the rapids but the wimpy father tries to escape. Kev gives chase and shoots him in the spine. Miraculously, the wimpy father survives this - he is apparently not a wimp and, in fact, unbreakable, much like Bruce Willis or Indira Naidoo.
Kev, assuming the father to be dead because of the bullet in his spine, returns to Meryl and the annoying kid and they head off to shoot the biggestest and rapidest rapid of them all. No idea what happened after that because I got bored and went to bed. I can only assume that Meryl and the kid drowned, the invincible father was raped by some inbred yokels and that Kev got away with his superb villainy. He certainly deserved to.
Begone,
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