INDY REVIEWS
Score: 8 / 10 
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Watched I Know What You Did Last Summer (starring Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts as the girl who won't be slaughtered because she's the star) last night. I have three observations:
1) The name of the town where all this slaughtering and bad mojo was going down was 'Dawson's Beach'. Given that the writer of this movie also writes Dawson's Creek, I think we can only assume that it wasn't a crazed fisherman doing all the murdering but, rather, an insanely jealous Katie Holmes.
2) It is a lot of hard work to be an insane murderer. You have to make sure you're always in the spookiest possible position so that when the slaughteree looks up and sees you, they're scared shitless. You have to walk slowly and menacingly and yet somehow not allow them to sprint away from you (it has something to do with angles and hyper-geometry). You have to put crab-riddled dead bodies into the boots of cars to scare people and then when they go to tell their friends you have to remove it and clean it all up before they get back... and those crab stains cen be so stubborn. It's a hard life. It's so hard, in fact, that I'm surprised there are so many insane murderers around. I suppose they're just dedicated.
3) If you drink and drive and run over a murderous fisherman, you're a bloody idiot.
Begone,
-- Back to all movies
blog comments powered by Disqus
This here item has so far scored 8 / 10 on the patented Astonishing Tales Funny-o-meter.
If it should be higher, click the green arrow:
And if you think it should be lower, try the red one:
To receive this kind of stuff via a convenient regular email, visit the subscription page
Or don't. I'm not the boss of you.
