INDY REVIEWS
Score: 7.5 / 10 
Crisis on Infinite Earths: Issues Five Through Eight
Table of Contents
- Issues One To Four
- #5 - Worlds In Limbo
- #6 - Three Earths, Three Deaths
- #7 - Beyond The Silent Night
- #8 - A Flash Of The Lightning
- Issues Nine To Twelve
Issue Five - Worlds In Limbo
Okay. Who wants to guess how we open issue five? If you guessed we open it with Pariah crying, then you may have already won. He's all 'oh, woe! The Monitor is dead. This totally sucks'. Joining him in the weep-a-thon is Harbinger, who bursts into tears and says 'wow, I really killed him. I, uh, didn't mean to...' They sob away, until a prerecorded message from the Monitor shows up to cheer them up with some heavy-lifting exposition. He explains how him being murdered by Harbinger was all part of his plan. This raises a few eyebrows, let me tell you.
The Monitor goes to explain how his death released energy that allowed another dimension to open, which sucked in both the universes of Earth-One and Earth-Two (this is much the same as when Walt Disney died). Alexander Luthor, now fully grown, shows up to add that while the universes are 'safe', they are also in enormous danger because, uh, all time periods have merged into one and also the universes are going to merge together and destroy one another. So, y'know, what with the being murdered and now the merging universal destruction, one begins to think The Monitor's plan may not be all he made it out to be.
Watching all this is the King of the Shadow Demons. And boy, is he pissed. "The whole freaking point of me destroying all the universes is so I can suck in their energies to make myself more powerful, y'know?" he says to Psycho Pirate. "So, when something like this happens, it really gives me the irrits." And he vows to take his fury out on The Red Tornado. Because, hey, he's a robot. That's what he's there for.
Meanwhile, Pariah, Alexander Luthor and Harbinger have summoned about a zillion superpowered types to the Monitor's satellite. Here they do some more exposition about the universes merging and dying. "Now," says Alexander Luthor. "Go back to your Earths and think about what we've told you and let us know whether you wish to save the universes." "Uh," says Golden Age Supes. "I think the decision's pretty clear-cut, isn't it? I don't think even the vilest villain among us needs to ponder this one, right?" And about fifteen evildoers nod (including Crazy Quilt!). But Luthor won't listen. "Go! Make your decision!!" And he shoots them all back to Earth, where they all kill time fighting an out-of-control Red Tornado until the end of the issue.
MVP: Flash. He goads the King of the Shadow Demons into revealing his true identity. To the confusion of everybody, he pronounces himself to be... The Monitor. "Wait," says Flash. "Didn't he just die?" "I'm a different one. An evil one." "But with the same name?" "Yes." "Oh, for fuck's sake."
Issue Six - Three Earths, Three Deaths
Due to some kind of trademark dispute with the estate of The Monitor, the King of the Shadow Demons who, last issue, also declared himself to be 'The Monitor', is now known as 'The Anti-Monitor'. This may seem quite the about-face, but, hey, are you going to argue with him? Of course not. Anyway, he's understandably pissed about having to change his name, what with all the paperwork and so forth, so he decides to destroy The Monitor's satellite (conveniently located in Limbo) in revenge.
This is bad news for the heroes who happen to have been onboard at the time. There's a bit of wailing about the situation. Blok pretends his flight ring doesn't work so he can be rescued by the ever-desirable Golden Age Flash. Pariah scarpers (but with a none-too-convincing 'oh, no, I'm being summoned elsewhere, away from certain death. Why? Why does this always happen to me?' as he disappears). So, of course, it's up to Harbinger to save everybody. She shoots all the heroes off to Earth-S, Earth-4 and Earth-X. Or, Earth-S4X for all you leet Cr1515 hackors out there! Oh, if only they'd saved Earth-3 earlier.
On Earth-S4X, the locals have all gone plumb loco. This is due, of course, to that emotionally-meddlin' Psycho Pirate. The Anti-Monitor, still fuming about the name change, has boosted the Pirate's powers so he can control all three Earths and make all the inhabitants run straight into the white anti-matter wall of destruction. The various heroes sent to these Earths try to save them, which, frankly, is the local heroes' job. This is as good an excuse as any for some time-honoured superhero brawling. Perhaps Starfire sums it up best when she thinks to herself 'If I've got to kill them to save their whole world, I will'. Starfire, utilitarian. Finally, after a dozen or so pages of this biffo, Harbinger summons the various universes of Earth-S4X into Limbo to join Earths 1 and 2 in the whole 'let's merge together and destroy each other' scenario. Still a plan that could use some work in my opinion.
MVP: Alexander Luthor. Harbinger has saved three universes from certain destruction (for now, anyway) and shows off her handiwork to the kid, gesturing dramatically to the five universe below them in Limbo. Luthor's concern? 'How in blazes do we get off this floating rock'. That kind of questioning and focus is what makes a Luthor great in any reality.
Issue Seven - Beyond The Silent Night
Issue seven's a double-sized issue! Why? Because there's a hell of a lot of exposition to get through. Alexander Luthor, Pariah and Harbinger head down to the various merged Earths to summon the poor sods who have to listen to sixteen pages of talking. There is one representative from each of the five remaining universes, plus a leftover from Earth-6. Alexander Luthor starts by introducing them all:
"Lady Quark, sadly the only survivor of her universe," he says. "Superman of Earth-One. The greatest of all heroes." (Supes blushes). "Uncle Sam, the embodiment of hope and peace. Captain Marvel, without doubt the world's mightiest mortal. Superman, the legend from whom all others have come." And then Alexander gets to the representative of Earth-4. He gulps. "And Blue Beetle, who--"
Thankfully, at this point he is interrupted, so he doesn't have to summon any hyperbole for the Blue Beetle. He whispers private thanks, because all he'd come up with was 'And Blue Beetle, whose goggle-wearing is surely within the top thirty to forty percent of goggle-wearing superheroes.' Embarrassing introduction criss averted, it's secret origin time. We get the origin of The Monitor and The Anti-Monitor (just kinda sprung into existence on a pair of moons one day), the origin of Pariah (clever guy who, a tad uncleverly, destroyed his universe with anti-matter) and the origin of Harbinger (plucked from the seas while attempting a solo round-the-world life raft journey).
Then, because there's finally been enough chin-wagging, it's time for a whole bunch of heroes to fly into the Anti-Monitor's anti-matter universe and destroy the machine that's merging the five Earths together. It's not quite as simple as that, of course. The Anti-Monitor's stronghold comes to life and starts attacking people. Supes, in particular, is pissed about how the strange cosmic laws of the anti-matter universe affect everybody's powers. ("On Earth-One we're unbeatable," he sniffs to Supergirl. "But here Captain Atom has the upper hand. And he's not even invulnerable." If you can imagine.) Anyway, Supes gets over this, starts a fight with The Anti-Monitor, gets his ass kicked, and has to get Supergirl to come to his rescue. She does so, beating the snot out of the Anti-Monitor, destroying his Earth-merging machine and destroying his battle suit. But before she can properly celebrate, the Anti-Monitor kills her and scoots off. Which bums everybody out.
MVP: It's Supergirl. "Superman of Earth-One, the greatest of all heroes"?? Pish-tosh. He went down like a screaming nancy-boy. It was Supergirl who got the job done, funky headband and all.
Issue Eight - A Flash Of The Lightning
We open with the Psycho-Pirate chatting to the Flash, who is still captured in the Anti-Monitor's spaceship. The Psycho-Pirate is worried about his upcoming performance review. "The one time the Anti-Monitor needed me," he says. "And I failed him. That's not going to look good when we discuss Key Performance Indicators." He asks Flash if he'd talk to HR for him, but Flash is still unconscious and disinterested.
Fortunately, the Anti-Monitor's a more tolerant project manager than others would have you believe. He tells Psycho-Pirate not to worry about it because he's got a whole new scheme up his heavily armoured sleeve - an anti-matter cannon. He schedules meetings for the rest of the day to scope out deliverables. Back on Earth, meanwhile, not much of interest is going on. The Red Tornado's exploding again, The Blue Devil's travelling to the Omega star system (dunno how, exactly, perhaps he caught the wrong bus) and Firestorm's girlfriend Firehawk is trying out for Project Runway. So, business as usual in the DC Universe.
Eventually, however, Flash decides this issue's too dull even for him. He escapes from his prison, kidnaps the Psycho Pirate and forces him to emotionally manipulate all of the Anti-Monitor's underlings into hating him (the Anti-Monitor). "Death to the Anti-Monitor," they shout, despite their excellent working conditions and above-average pay packets. While they're attacking him, the Flash blows up the anti-matter cannon, simultaneously disintegrating himself and travelling back in time to earlier issues in the process. The Anti-Monitor's response? He books the meeting room for a new brainstorming session.
MVP: You'd be tempted to say the Flash, what with his bold attempts to interesting up the issue by killing himself. But, frankly, I adore what Firehawk's doing with molecularly manipulated feathers this season. So I have to give it to her.
Begone,
-- Back to all comics
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