NEWS
Score: 7 / 10 
Qantas Staff Release Protest Album
Filed: Wednesday, September 5, 2001
Qantas staff have banded together to record an album of songs intended to crash and burn on worldwide music charts.
"We are sick of musicians crashing their planes and helicopters and giving airline travel a bad name," said group spokesman Flight Attendant Ken Taylor. From all the way back to Buddy Holly through to John Denver and now bloody Shirley Strachan and soul sensation Aaliyah... we've had a gutful!"
Ken, who feels it's important to stress that being a flight attendant is a perfectly acceptable vocation for the heterosexual man, went on to add. "As a protest, we've decided to encroach on their turf. Let's see how the musicians like talentless outsiders wandering haphazardly in and buggering everything up."
All of the songs on the album have been recorded in one take and with no professional assistance at all. The cacophonic result is precisely what the airline staff were hoping for. "Captain Lionel Everett's tone-deaf rendition of Yummy, Yummy, Yummy I've Got Love In My Tummy is particularly dreadul and we feel perfectly analogous to much of the 'piloting' of these musicians. Hopefully, this will really open their eyes and make them think before they just leap into the cockpit of a plane and take off into a mountain."
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