NEWS
Score: 7.3 / 10 
Election Advertising Campaigns Revealed
Filed: Friday, October 5, 2001
In the lead up to the Australian Federal election, the various political parties have released their television advertising campaigns:
Liberal Party Ad Campaign
Scene: John Howard, walking through Parliament House.
He is rhyming cleverly to camera.
As you know I'm Johnnie Howard
Your feelings to me may well have soured
But my election campaign is now militarily powered
Gee, it's grouse at Parliament House
Over there's a man named Kim
Nobody pays much attention to him
Perhaps they would if he was taut and trim
Gee, it's grouse at Parliament House
Phone cards, tax rorts - difficult to pardon,
GST, corporate failures - things seemed to harden
But now forget all that, we're bombing Osama Bin Laden
Gee, it's grouse at Parliament House
Standing behind me is Petie Costello
Once the election's won and I'm feeling mellow
I'll be handing power to this smirking young fellow
Gee, it's grouse at Parliament House
Labor Party Ad Campaign
Over at Labor Party campaign headquarters, Kim Beazley is wavering over the 'Big Kim - I'm Excited' advertising concept on the basis that he's unsure whether excitement is a quality people feel comfortable with.
He is instead pushing for a return to the Gobbledock commercial campaign. "Remember that? 'Chippie, chippie, chippie...'" he says. "Everyone can relate to that," he adds, munching into a packet of salt and vinegar chips.
One Nation Ad Campaign
Over at One Nation, the 'Crazy Pauline's Everyone Must Go' campaign is sadly abandoned because somebody has taped over it with an episode of McLeod's Daughters.
There is consensus among the party that the perpetrator was almost certainly 'of Asian appearance'.
Democrats Ad Campaign
The brains trust of the Democrats, meanwhile, have consulted with the trendiest advertising executives in the nation and come up with a TV commercial that proceeds thus:
SCENE: A woman sits on a bed, naked back to the camera, swivelling erotically to light background music. She wraps the blanket around herself, turns and grins sexily at the camera. It is Natasha. Whispered voice-over: 'Natasha'
Fast cut to:
SCENE: Heavy rock music and Natasha in leather outfit killing vampires, most of whom resemble leaders of other parties and Hugh Rimington - cut, cut, cut, faster and faster then
SCENE: A grassy hill, Natasha lies on the hill in a sun dress laughing with delight at the beauty of the day, looking at the clouds, one of which morphs into her. Whispered voice-over, 'Natasha'.
Cut to:
SCENE: Natasha on a beach, playing volleyball, spikes triumphantly - cut to freeze-frame close-up, final voice-over 'Natasha'.
Market research shows that nobody has a single clue what the ad is about. Only 3% correctly identify it as a commercial for the Democrats, 14% think it's the new Madonna video clip and a staggering 83% assume that it's a deodorant commercial. The Democrats immediately nominate a can of Rexona for the Senate.
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