NEWS
Score: 7.2 / 10 
Is Don. Is Dead
Filed: Wednesday, February 28, 2001
A brief sampling of some of the many tributes for Sir Donald Bradman, whose death at the age of 92 has unleashed an outpouring of grief around the world:.
A rather confused Marlon Brando released the following statement. "The entire Corleone family extends their deepest sympathies at the loss of Don Bradman, the greatest don of them all. Rest assured that his murderers will be hunted down like the emaciated dogs that they are."
"He was quite simply the finest batsman who ever lived," said pop icon Robbie Williams. "His average of 99.94 is just incredible."
Actor Martin Sheen concurs. "I still remember when he scored 309 runs in a day. An absolutely phenomenal display. He just kept scoring and scoring."
Daryl Hall has different memories - "I once saw him run 100m in 9.4 seconds. John (Oates) timed him. We were staggered. He was 73 at the time but clearly still an unsurpassed athlete."
"I had leprosy," recalls Judge Judy. "And then the Don touched my forehead, and I had it no more."
"He was quite possibly the most mathematically gifted individual the planet has ever seen," opined Benoit Mandelbrot. "His unique insight into Fractal Theory will never be forgotten."
Edward de Bono claims that Bradman was a profound lateral thinker. "Once, following the death of my goldfish, I was trying to work out what else I could use my goldfish bowl for. The Don immediately suggested I use it as a cricket ball. Not a very good suggestion, I grant you... but extremely lateral."
"His uncanny ability to find truffles was what impressed me," revealed two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks. "You'd be sitting down for a picnic and suddenly the Don would sniff the air and say 'truffles' and dig beneath a tree root... and sure enough!"
"Bradman could fly," revealed ex-British PM John Major. "Not many people know that, but it's true."
"His ability to raise the dead with the power of his voice, I just found staggering," said Helen Hunt. "Let's hope theres a tape recording somewhere so he can raise himself and the zombie Bradman can live on forever."
Amen to that.
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