Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence is over. It’s been over since 1995 when the cast of Mad About You discovered a radio message emanating from one of the stars in the Orion constellation. Paul Reiser immediately rushed into production a sophisticated supercomputer, powered by neural networks and genetic algorithms and spread across a series of sub-processors for the sake of security and flexibility.

The subcomputers, known to their unwitting users as Tamagotchi eventually decoded the message from the distant star. Its content was both frightening and disturbingly familiar:

“She wore a raspberry beret, the kind you find in a second-hand store.”

International police, seeking answers to the myriad of questions this phrase raised, were frustrated to find that its original Earth purveyorhad apparently disappeared, replaced instead by a being styling himself as ‘The Artist Formerly Known As Prince’. Unsure whether they were dealing with some form of interstellar chameleon or other unearthly polymorphism, and beset with unprecedented legal quaqmireswith regards to alien transmutation and identity responsibility,the authorities reluctantly abandoned their investigation, and their Top Secret report simply declared the question of alien life to be answered in the affirmative with no further details.

The New Power Generation continue to refuse to confirm or deny their humanity.

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