LOST HISTORY
Score: 6.8 / 10 
What Really Happened With Cloning
It is thought by many that cloning and genetic manipulation are relatively new scientific breakthroughs. Not so. Documents have been recently discovered that suggests that near-humanoid creatures were being grown in laboratories as early as 1981. The research was originally commissioned in the early 1970s by Dr Peter 'Columbo' Falk who had witnessed first hand the debacle of the infamous 'Darren-switch' in Bewitched and had immediately seen how a reliable cloning mechanism could have circumvented such a tragedy.
With governments worldwide refusing to support the project (despite its obvious television potential) funding for the expensive research was anchored to the success of a purpose-built adult-orientated rock band to be known as 'The Eagles'. Their perfectly constructed harmonies and well crafted pop melodies provided 'Operation California' with the enormous sums of money needed to bankroll the ongoing DNA and human genome research necessary to make cloning a reality. By the early 1980s vaguely humanoid creatures were able to be created - although true cloning remained frustratingly elusive. Then tragedy struck in the form of electronic pop pioneers Kraftwerk. Their success precipitated the demise of The Eagles as a popular music force... just as the scientific teams had been on the brink of a major breakthrough.
As funds dried, the project supervisor, Dr Kate Bush, desperate, authorised a movie starring the five sub-humanoids thought to be most lifelike, hoping for a box-office success that would provide sufficient funds for the research to be completed. That movie was 1985's The Breakfast Club and while it attained a cult following, the obvious lack of human qualities in sub-humanoids Judd, Molly, Emilio, Ally and Anthony prevented it from becoming a sufficiently large smash for the research to continue. Another belated funding attempt was made with the half-creature code-named Terence Trent Darby but it met with similarly disappointing results. Cloning research ground to a halt. Dolly the sheep is a very small first step back onto this lost path.
Related Links
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- ASK DR DAN - Babies
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