THE LOST ANALYSIS
Score: 7.6 / 10 
Season Three
- A Tale Of Two Cities
- The Glass Ballerina
- Further Instructions
- Every Man For Himself
- The Cost Of Living
- I Do
- Not In Portland
- Flashes Before Your Eyes
- Stranger In A Strange Land
- Tricia Tanaka Is Dead
- Enter 77
- Par Avion
- The Man From Tallahassee
- Expose
- Left Behind
- One Of Us
- Catch 22
- D.O.C.
- The Brig
- The Man Behind The Curtain
- Greatest Hits
- Through The Looking Glass (1)
- Through The Looking Glass (2)
A Tale Of Two Cities
It's a new season of Lost and after an opening sequence that's mostly just a rip-off of last year's season opener, Kate is introduced to this season's latest fashions. It's a flirty summer dress with an empire waist and pegged hem. However, over a manacled breakfast with Ben, she also learns the next seven episodes promise nothing but pain and torture. So perhaps corsets are also back in this season. In other news, The Doc, trapped in an (empty) aquarium is of the flashbacky opinion his father's shagging his missus (he isn't). Sawyer, meanwhile, trapped in a cage, is of the opinion he's smarter than an average bear (he isn't either).
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Locke (+91%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Jack (-99%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Michael (-2%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
The Glass Ballerina
Time for another glimpse into the marital bliss of Jin and Sun. They're on the boat with Sayid, who is still obsessed with lighting a fire to let The Doc know where they are. Kinda pointless, really, given recent events, but Sayid's a man with a plan. Operation Plan, as he dubs it, consists of him and Jin waiting for T'Others to show up and murdering the shit out of them while Sun has a nap on the boat. As you'd expect, this works not at all, leading one to conclude Charlie must somehow have been involved. In other news, Sawyer and Kate have been shoehorned into a chain gang. Sawyer uses this as an excuse to kiss Kate, instigate a fist fight and get zapped with a cattle prod. So, business as usual for the scruffy one.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Locke (+94%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Ben (-88%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Kate (+2%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Further Instructions
Locke has been left speechless by the hatch going all implodey at the end of last season. As you'd expect, he's taken this far too literally and is, like, totally mute. Perhaps he spent the off-season watching Eko's stunning 'no talky-talky' performances from early last season and decided he was all for that gear. In a typically scatter-brained performance, he's also hunting polar bears, flashing back to the time he shamefully failed to shoot an undercover cop in the back, making (highly predictable) speeches about rescuing The Doc and co, 'accidentally' hurling a knife at Porky, rescuing the still not-so-chatty Eko and hanging with the slightly more chatty dead Boone in a smokehut. Boone's comment? He assures Locke he won't be able to speak until he has something to say. Huh. If only.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Desmond (+99%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Ben (-78%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Hurley (-1%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Every Man For Himself
Sawyer has come up with a plan to escape T'Others. The plan involves a pool of water, hand-holding and violent electrical shocks. Of course, it fails utterly. It does, however, inspire Ben to torture a rabbit to death and install a pacemaker in Sawyer's heart that will make him explode if he tries to escape again and/or gazes longingly at Kate's hot bod. Or maybe it doesn't. Nothing is clear, as always. Meanwhile, The Doc is called upon to operate on a dying Other. He butchers her mercilessly. Take that, Hippocratic Oath!
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Desmond (+97%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Ben (-54%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Hurley (-6%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
The Cost Of Living
The Doc's effortless murder (cunningly disguised as botched surgery) of a random Other last week has given some of the other Others ideas. Coup ideas, to be precise. They're sick of Ben (aka 'The King of the Others') lording it all over them. Doesn't he know 'king' is just an honorary title, like Prom King or The King Of Wishful Thinking? So they're proposing The Doc butcher him on the cutting board, while 'trying' to remove a spinal tumour. Meanwhile, back on the other side of the island, Eko is off his trolley in the usual fashion, looking for his (actually rather dead) brother and flashing back to more murderous church-going days. Eventually, The Monster has had enough of Eko's nonsense and kills the shit out of him. Let that be a lesson to the rest of them.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Desmond (+93%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sayid (-55%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Ben (-2%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
I Do
Like all medical practitioners, The Doc is more than willing to use his surgical prowess to impose his will upon other, less medically-trained members of the public. And since Ben needs spinal surgery, this gives The Doc all the opportunity he needs. After some preliminary sex games between Kate and Sawyer, the Doc gets into it, butchering the bejeezus out of Ben. He then orders T'Others to allow Kate and Sawyer to escape. He commands Kate and Sawyer to do the previously discussed escaping. He also insists the other Others in the surgical room refer to him as Doctor Diablo, for reasons that remain unclear. He cackles like a maniac and finally decrees there will be no new episodes for thirteen (13) weeks! Oh, Doc, you power-crazed lunatic, what have you done?!?
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Tom (+78%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sayid (-89%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Hurley (+12%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Not In Portland
It's been thirteen weeks since The Doc commenced his butchering of Ben, and Ben is holding up surprisingly well. He makes a deal with Juliet that if she helps Sawyer and Kate escape back to their own wretched island, then he (Ben) will allow her to a) have a tedious flashback story about how she once discovered the biological basis for immaculate conception and b) leave this show forever. Needless to say, she agrees wholeheartedly, leaving Ben, despite his impending death on the operating table, still very much the man with the upper hand. "Now stitch me up, Salinger!" he orders. "Yes Sir," says the Doc.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Tom (+85%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Eko (-82%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Desmond (-14%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Flashes Before Your Eyes
What's clearly been missing from Lost up until now has been a time-travelling Scotsman. That's never been in dispute. And so, at last, the writers deliver. We've met Desmond before. He's that pain in the ass who opened last season by pointing a gun at The Doc and then went on to blow up the whole damn hatch. This season he's come over all clairvoyantey and protective of Claire, much to the obvious annoyance of Charlie. In retaliation, Desmond flashes back to his recent time-travel antics to reveal that he can see flashes of the future and, as a result, he's determined to save Charlie from his predestined death. However, given Charlie's renowned incompetence at, well, everything, Desmond knows it's only a matter of time before Charlie procures some kind of fatal stuff-up and departs to that Hobbiton in the sky.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Desmond (+68%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Locke (-88%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Hurley (-8%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Stranger In A Strange Land
The Doc, Ben and Juliet continue to dance their little dance (not literally - after all, who would lead??). There are all kinds of back and forth negotiations taking place, with the The Doc promising to heal Ben's ongoing back infection issues in exchange for Ben not executing Juliet, and in return Juliet will ensure that Ben keeps his promise to The Doc to send him (The Doc) home. Also, and simultaneously, The Doc will keep pressure on Ben to make sure he (Ben) sends Juliet home also. And if you think that's confusing, you should have seen the flashback, which consisted of The Doc shagging a kite-flying, Thai hooker who wasn't Thai, didn't hook and whose kite-flying prowess was mediocre at best. She did, however, tattoo some kind of hatred-inciting message on his shoulder, so, y'know, something to remember her by.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Charlie (+43%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Jack (-84%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Kate (-6%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Tricia Tanaka Is Dead
It's yet another Hurley-centric episode, with the rotund fella finding a car, flashing back to the time his restaurant was hit by Smallvillean meteor rocks, jump-starting a car, flashing back to the time he discovered (startlingly) that his parents were Cheech and Chong, driving around the island in his new car, flashing back to the time he confronted the worst psychic in the history of bad psychics and, best of all, slapping Charlie in the face. In other news, Sawyer and Kate made their triumphant return to the beach, with Sawyer immediately getting shit-faced on pre-Rocky 2 beer and Kate refusing to accept the assistance of Sayid and Locke in rescuing The Doc. Her preferred sidekick in the Doc rescue? Uh, that crazy French woman.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Desmond (+45%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sawyer (-85%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Kate (+0%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Enter 77
Boy, it's been so long since Sayid has tortured the bejeezus out of anybody that I'd almost forgotten about him doing it. Two people who haven't forgotten are Mr and Mrs Gimp, a random flashback couple who've kidnapped Sayid and locked him in their basement until he confesses to torturing Mrs Gimp. He denies everything of course, as official torturer protocol recommends. Meanwhile, back on the island and out of flashback, Sayid and Kate break into the farm of some dude with an eye patch and beat him up and kidnap him. Because, heck, why not? While they do that, Locke plays chess with a computer. This computer has a tendency to, uh, explode when defeated. Just like Garry Kasparov.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Locke (+56%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sawyer (-79%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Hurley (-2%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Par Avion
Claire has come up with a cockamamie scheme to get off the island. It involves (as you'd expect) torturing seagulls, hacking up leftover haddock and being a bitch to Charlie. So something for everybody. (At one point Charlie has no choice but to scream at her "YOU'RE OVERACTING". Claire points out the line in the script is actually 'overreacting', which is true, but Charlie still has a point.) Meanwhile, Sayid, Kate, Locke and that insane French woman have made their way to the perimeter of T'Others camp, via the simple technique of pushing that patch-eyed guy through a sonic death ray. Awesome. Their plan to rescue The Doc goes awry, however, when he reveals he's got a totally radical game of touch football going that he needs to finish first. Oh, and also, The Doc and Claire? They're half-siblings apparently. Thanks flashbacks.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Locke (+81%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Jack (-90%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Hurley (-9%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
The Man From Tallahassee
Sayid, Kate and Locke break into T'Others compound to rescue The Doc from a horrific existence as a tight end in the annual Others Touch Football Tournament. Perhaps not surprisingly, the rescue bid is a Charlie-esque shambles with Kate and Sayid immediately captured and Locke flaking out for a wheelchair-comparin', all-flashbackin' session with Ben. Turns out Locke was originally crippled because his father threw him out of an eighth storey window. Ouch! Talk about not sparing the rod! Ben goes onto claim that there's a box on the island that makes wishes come true. Locke responds as you or I would - namely by blowing up a submarine! But Ben can even top that crazy-ass random behaviour. He wishes Locke's over-disciplinin' dad into captivity in a room in the back of the compound. Take that, laws of plausibility!
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Locke (+71%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sawyer (-90%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Hurley (-18%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Expose
Meanwhile, back at the beach, things are devolving into a predictable shambles. This is not in any sense surprising, given that all the useful people from Oceanic Flight 815 are absent picking fights with T'Others, blowing up submarines and so forth. The result? Charlie, Sun (?), Hurley and Sawyer as the beach-based ruling quartet. And that kind of powerbase can't be good for anybody. Least of all, some young murderous couple who played with spiders and ended up being accidentally buried alive by Sawyer and Hurley. Ha ha ha! You guys!
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Locke (+71%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sawyer (-94%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Desmond (+3%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Left Behind
Hey! Isn't it about time we had Kate and Juliet handcuffed together, mud wrestling, running from The Monster, sniping at one another about The Doc and dislocating one another's shoulders? You bet it is. They've both been gassed by T'Others, who've abandoned their little corner of the island and left these sassy young minxes behind. (They also left The Doc and Sayid behind as well. But because they're not particularly sassy, nor particularly young and minxlike only when hepped up on tequila shots, the guys don't participate in any of the aforementioned mud wrestling, handcuffing and shoulder dislocation sexiness. Sorry gals!)
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Locke (+66%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Hurley (-91%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Kate (+1%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
One Of Us
The Doc is back in town, and, as you'd expect, he's immediately lording it all over everybody. While Sawyer and Sayid are all for the immediate torturing of Juliet, the Doc won't hear a word of it. "She's under my protection," he declares, as if this means something. "I forbid you to torture her." Sayid smirks. Whatever. But then Juliet cures Claire from a Mysterious Ailment™ (possibly some form of post natal death flu, possibly tennis elbow). "See??!" says The Doc. "I told you we could trust her." This is, needless to say, a colossal misjudgement of the very worst kind.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Ben (+66%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Hurley (-92%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Charlie (+0%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Catch 22
Desmond has had another one of those damn visions about the future. This time it involves Charlie claiming that Superman is faster than the Flash before being killed by a spear through the throat. The abject idiocy of the former clearly justifies the painful death of the latter, so Desmond sets forth to make it so. Special Bonus: by following this vision he will also get his girlfriend back. This is especially appealing because Sawyer and Kate are having Sexy Time back on the beach and rubbing everybody's nose in it (not literally). In the end, however, Desmond saves Charlie from the throat-spear and, hence, the girl who lands on the island ends up not being his girlfriend after all. So, once again, rescuing Charlie's fool life turns out to be the path poorly chosen. Will these people ever learn??
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Ben (+81%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sawyer (-94%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Kate (-3%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
D.O.C.
Sun and Juliet bond over a mid-afternoon ultrasound session and the determination of whether or not Sun is going to die from Island Baby Death™. Turns out she will, but this also means that the baby is Jin's. So that's some consolation, no? Uh, no. Speaking of Jin, he and the rest of the Odd Squad from last episode help save the girl who parachuted into the show (also last episode) from Punctured Lung Death™. Special Guest Physician: That Dude With The Patch, who seems to have recovered nicely from Electric Shock Death™ a few episodes back. Parachute Chick's response. To tell them they all died in the plane crash. So, y'know. A busy week for the Reaper.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Juliet (+82%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Nikki (-86%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Desmond (2%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
The Brig
Locke has spent the last week with T'Others, who, as you might expect are dementedly urging him to kill his father or else he won't be one of the gang. While Locke can't quite bring himself to commit this foul act of murder, he knows somebody who will. So he kidnaps Sawyer and locks him in a room with his Pa. Sawyer, not missing a beat, takes the opportunity to strangle every last drop of life out of the kidney-stealin', window-tossin' old man. "So," says Locke. "I see you recognised him as the man whose con job directly led to your father killing your mother, before turning the gun on himself?" "Oh," says Sawyer. "That was that guy?"
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Ben (+97%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Hurley (-87%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Sun (-21%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
The Man Behind The Curtain
Enough is, once again, widely considered to be enough. Speaking for all loyal viewers, Locke demands an explanation of what, for freak's sake, is going on on this goddamn freaking island. He orders Ben to fill him in on the island history, post-haste. Ben reacts in typical fashion. Namely, he introduces Locke to his invisible friend Jacob, before shooting him (Locke) and leaving him for dead in a left-over mass grave from the time he (Ben) led the genocidal purge of the DHARMA Initiative. Ha ha ha! Take that, Locke. And take that, nosy loyal viewers.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Ben (+94%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Charlie (-96%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Mikhail (-10%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Greatest Hits
The Doc has enlisted the aid of that batshit French woman to help explode the bejeezus out of T'Others. All well and good, says Sayid, but he's got a plan to actually, like, get them off this freakin' island. It involves him following a cable out into the ocean, swimming down to an underground station, pressing a switch that will cut off a blocking signal, thereby allowing them to telephone a rescue boat that's just offshore. And then, y'know, drowning. "Nope. I'm not letting you go on a suicide mission," says The Doc. "Send Charlie instead." So Charlie makes a list of the best moments of his life (#1 - throwing up in a photocopier), passes off the One True Ring to Claire's fool child and heads off to nobly sacrifice himself. Needless to say, he can't even do this right.
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Richard Alpert (+83%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Desmond (-85%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Sawyer (+14%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Through The Looking Glass (1)
The Doc is leading his flock off to a radio tower, while Sayid, Jin and Bernard stay behind to blow up T'Others. "Don't come back for us if things go pear-shaped," says Sayid to The Doc. "You got it," replies The Doc, already well down the road, and not even turning his head. Of course, the trio's attack on T'Others does go pear-shaped and Bernard spills the beans on, like, everything (The Doc's plan, Juliet's role in it and several Season Four spoilers, including the whereabouts of resident island shark, Ezra James Sharkington). He'd been forced to admit to his wife earlier in the episode that he 'wasn't Rambo'. Sayid, exasperated with the way things are going, demands to know why nobody had told him this. Meanwhile, Charlie is in the underwater hatch singing to himself, being beaten up by hot underwater chicks and giving synchronised swimming tips to Desmond. No surprises there. In flashback news, The Doc has a beard! Stunning season finale twist!
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Ben (+71%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Sun (-95%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Kate (-2%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
Through The Looking Glass (2)
The second half of the third season finale wraps up with Hurley, Sawyer and Juliet rescuing Jin, Sayid and Bernard. Sayid provides a short lesson in how to be Rambo by breaking the neck of an Other, despite being tied up with a gun held on him. The Doc also leads his group to safety, dismantling that batshit French woman's signal and making contact with the outside world for help. Which means that Desmond successfully rescued Charlie who turned off the underwater signal-blocking device. Before, y'know, finally managing to drown himself. Good news all round, you might think. Except for the last scene, where it's revealed the Doc Flashback a la Beard, was actually some bizarre Flashforward to a future where a drunken, drug-addled Doc confronts Kate saying they made a mistake and need to get back to the island. I say: Doc, make up your mind, man!
When You Crunch The Numbers: Over the last five episodes, Mikhail (+95%) has been Lost's MVP (most valuable player). Desmond (-81%) has been LVP (least valuable player). Juliet (3%) has been MIP (most indifferent player).
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