MISCELLANY
Score: 7 / 10 
The Next Best Kickers Of Butt You Want On Your Side When Things Go Pear-Shaped
Situation: Bad stuff is going down. Villainous villainy has initiated a world-wide crisis situation! You can choose one fictional hero from television or movies to sort the mess out. Who would it be? (for rules, see the full, detailed Original Top Ten List)
Which Butt-Kicker Are You? Take the test and find out.
Original Top Ten List
- Lex Luthor (156) - Hater of Kryptonians
- Aragorn (142) - Son of Arathorn
- Batman (135) - Caped Crusader
- Sayid Jarrah (129) - Lost Jack of All Trades
- Han Solo (124) - Chewie's Buddy
- Ellen Ripley (122) - Alien Exterminator
- The Bride (121) - Kill Bill Assassin Babe
- Indiana Jones (120) - Snake-Hater
- John McClane (113) - Die Hard Death-Defier
- Alan 'Dutch' Schaefer (113) - Turning Predators into prey
Honourable Mentions - The Next Best
- Jack Bauer (112)
Fresh from 24, Mr Bauer is a man who will not hesitate to shoot you if you are a terrorist, a terrorist suspect, the spouse of a terrorist or just somebody he doesn't like the look of. So tough he doesn't sleep, eat or go to the toilet.- James Bond (111)
Suave. Sophisticated. World-saving in his spare time. He's Agent 007. He's licensed to kill. He's not licensed to sleep with babes with ridiculous names, but hell, he'll do that too.- Lara Croft (108)
She saves the world. And she does so despite (or, because of, you decide) some ridiculously large snorkers. Jumping around, gathering relics, stopping evil. She's Lara Croft.- Agent J (107)
Solving unthinkable crises behind the scenes and with a minimum of fuss, it's that alien-foiling, sunglasses-wearing, single-monogram-using Man in Black, Agent J.- Jason Bourne (106)
He's an assassinatin', sharp-shootin', dangerous-drivin', memory-discardin' machine. Jason Bourne, star of The Bourne Identity/Supremacy/Ultimatum, singlehandedly making CIA black ops fashionable again. - Charlies Angels (103)
Whether they be Farrah or Drew, Jaclyn or Lucy, Kate or Cameron, any one of Charlie's Angels is a reckon-withable force. Get three of them together, and all Hell will break loose, in, y'know, a T&A kinda way.- Winston Wolfe (101)
From Pulp Fiction comes this situation-solving machine. He thinks fast. He talks fast. He needs you to act fast. Sure, he doesn't save the world or nothing. But you get the feeling that, if he had to, he would do so without even breaking a sweat.- Trinity (98)
From the Matrix films comes Trinity. While Neo's flying around like some kind of superpowered god, Trinity's there by his side the whole time, kickin' serious butt and taking few prisoners. Leather-clad, motorcycle-riding, helicopter-piloting, gun-toting warrior babe.- John Rambo (97)
From the 1980s comes John Rambo. Whether it's laying waste to country towns or singlehandedly winning the Vietnam War replay, this unintelligible headband-wearing weapon-wielder will make a mess of anybody who opposes him. He's coming to get you- Xena (95)
The Amazonesque warrior princess from, uh, Xena: Warrior Princess. She fights gods, kidnaps Caesar, puts up with Gabrielle's boundless idiocy. Is there anything Xena can't do?- Don Corleone (93)
From the Godfather trilogy comes Don Corleone. Sure, you can throw in your Don Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando and/or Robert De Niro) too, but Al Pacino as Don Michael Freakin' Corleone is the one you really don't want to have on the opposing side. Dude will mess your shit up.- 'Dirty' Harry Callahan (92)
In the 1970s, Dirty Harry took on the dirtiest of cases and solved the criminy out of them, even if it meant trampling on some low life criminals' rights. Take that, lily-livered liberals! Dirty Harry also brings to the table not one, but two (2) catch phrases. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya? Then go ahead, make his day.- Ethan Hunt (88)
The star of Mission: Impossible may be portrayed by Tom Cruise. And sure, the plotlines are near-incomprehensible. And yeah, his name is 'Ethan'. But despite these setbacks, the man who does the impossible makes the cut. Why? The theme music, of course. How can you not kick butt with that theme music on your side? - Dale Cooper (81)
From Twin Peaks comes cherry pie eating, 'damn fine cup of coffee'-drinking, Laura Palmer-investigatin' FBI Special Agent Dale Bartholomew Cooper. If supernatural mystery or Lynch-inspired madness is going down, you could do worse than have the intuitive nous of Coop on your side.
What's with the numbers in brackets? They're the current score of the contestants in question. You can help keep the scores sane by answering the following simple question:
When things go seriously life-threateningly wrong in your neighbourhood, who would you rather see show up?
Charlies Angels
T&A Crimefighters
or
Xena
Warrior Princess
(click the head of your preferred saver of day)
Obviously, I don't know everything. I am not, after all, Leo Sayer. So I'm sure deserving candidates have been left off this list. If you know of some butt-kickin' world-savin' type who should be on this list, contact me with their details and we'll see if they make the cut when next this page is updated.
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