What’s Klingon For Virgin Anyway?
I brought in some Triumph The Insult Comic Dog movies to show some of the guys I work with. They got great amusement out of them. In particular, his attack on the Star Wars nerds was genius.
This got me thinking about the kind of people that actually feel the need to display their devotion to the Star Wars or Star Trek movies by allowing it to completely consume their lives. There’s a simple rule here: If you’re old enough to drive yourself to a Star Wars/Star Trek/Dungeons & Dragons convention then you just shouldn’t be going.
But there are levels of sadness as identified in the Triumph Sadness Scale. If you just like going along to see what’s there and you wear normal clothes (and by normal I mean clothes that don’t have any form of plastic weapon or cape attached to them) then that’s only mildly sad. If however you’ve made your own fully functional stormtrooper outfit and/or can and do speak in Klingon then you really need to take a long hard look at yourself.
It’s quite an interesting anomoly that the sadder* they are in real life, the more popular they are within their little circle so that the very saddest of them is actually revered as a god (or fleet commander) within his/her** group (or starship fleet or however the hell they group themselves together). But, if they stray from their group by as much as a millimetre they are doomed to be ridiculed mercilessly by creatures such as Triumph.
I’m sure there’s a formula that adequately explains this inverse popularity axiom. I’m also equally certain that as I type this there are literally hundreds of 40 year old men sitting in their (parents) basement attempting to unravel and negate this formula so that they can leave their (parents) home and not be set upon by children as young as five. I’m also certain that they’re failing miserably.
* I’m sure they don’t use the word sad, they use terms like passionate or haktou (that’s Klingon for being devoted to the point of killing one’s own family for acceptance)
** I’m sure there must be some females in these groups. They seem to be reproducing at an alarming rate.
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Posted: October 8th, 2004 under gnatterings.