GNATTERINGS
Score: 7 / 10 
Last Train To Soccer Training
William's first training run... Where to begin...
I rocked up 15 minutes early or so, full of vim, vigour and alcohol. Bilbo and I started kicking the ball around and acquainting ourselves with the feel of the ground and so forth. Bilbo was providing a running commentary throughout the entire experience.
Five minutes or so later, the first new signing for the mighty Under 6 Hamburg team arrived and started kicking the ball around with William who immediately took it upon himself to tell the poor kid what he was doing wrong. I politely informed my son that Daddy will be doing the coaching this year and Bilbo took that in his stride (although he did make a couple of stinging closing remarks in the traditional "always have the last say" William way).
The rest of the team then arrived in dribs and drabs and we started the training run. About three minutes into the training session it started to rain which caused the kids to reach unheard of heights of enthusiasm and energy. We also had a problem that they didn't turn the lights on so it was very quickly getting dark. This became even more worrying as children were just sprinting off in random directions whilst giggling and laughing themselves stupid.
I finally managed to get control of them and organized a game of "Red Rover" which was relatively well received. They'd all played the game before at school so they were OK with the concept. The mistake that I made though was that I got them to line up at the end of the field and I asked them to stop at the half-way line if Rover didn't get them. Great idea until I realized that 5 year olds have no idea what a "half-way line" is. I was happily watching a couple of kids get caught and then I turn around to see Bilbo and another kid running into the dark and towards the car park (not unlike Forrest Gump). I madly scrambled off to stop them (and whilst I did that a couple of other kids went running by me who I had to round up) and then explained what a "half-way" line was which helped immeasurably.
To finish the training run (as complete darkness was fast approaching) I decided to play a 7 on 1 game where all seven of the children would combine their impressive skills and take on the coach. I rolled the ball out into the middle of the field and the carnage that followed would have been enough to make a shark in a feeding frenzy squeamish. Arms, legs, heads, bodies were all flailing everywhere as children tried to get the ball and head off (usually in the wrong direction) with it. Occasionally one child would break free from the pack but the sheer weight of numbers usually brought him back down to ground with a sickening crunch.
I rounded off my session by explaining to the team that, as a team, they shouldn't tackle one another on the field. A concept that was met with dubious acceptance at best.
But all in all, it went really well. The kids enjoyed themselves (well, none of them cried at least) and Bilbo kept his coaching to a minimum. Although, he did spend a fair portion of the short trip home providing me with feedback on how I can help improve future coaching sessions. You live and learn.
Ah well,
-- Back to Gnatterings
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