Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

The B-52s

Dan — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:29:51 +0000

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We all know that to get into the B-52’s Love Shack, one needs to drive a ‘car as big as a whale’. Because those retro funsters hold no truck with this ‘global warming’ gibberish. But what if you don’t have such a gargantuan, Japan-incitin’ automobile? Where can you get into? Use this handy guide to find out:

I’ve Got Me A Car As Big As A…	Headin’ On Down To The…
whale	Love Shack
elephant	Friends With Benefits Shack
polar bear	One Night Stand Shack
cougar	I’m Lonely And Drunk, So What The Hell Shack
turtle	I Really Don’t Think So Shack
chihuahua	Get Away From Me, You Freak Shack

Eating Horses I’m so hungry I could eat a horse’ Why is...
Elephants Elephants… of all the animals that evolved from the common...

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Numb3rs (again)

Dan — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 22:27:10 +0000

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I’ve discussed my issues with the television show Numb3rs previously, so I won’t rehash all that (if you hash things properly the first time, there’s rarely a need to do so again). Instead, I shall heed the advice of my mother and other Jedi Masters and eschew criticism in favour of offering a solution to the problem at hand:

I say, let’s phase out the endless mathematical geekery and reliance on obscure mathematical theorems. Let’s phase in endless ecclesiastical geekery and reliance on obscure biblical references. After all, ‘Numbers’ aren’t just those strange squiggles used with carefree abandon by mathematicians and mob accountants. It’s also the fourth book of the Old Testament. So, I say, let’s inexplicably discover a new sibling (a la Charmed), this time a theological savant, and get him in there, solving FBI mysteries with nowt but the power of prayer, a wife made of salt and some good old-fashioned Old Testament fury.

Special Bonus: Thirty-eight possible spin-off shows (including Lamentations and Deuteronomy) ! Franchise-tastic!

Numb3rs I watched an episode of Numb3rs precisely 3.2 weeks ago...

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Blogwatch!

Dan — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:02:46 +0000

Over at 2MB Community Radio, they’re still stuck in 2008. Meanwhile, at Drinks Break, I’m looking forward to the new, all-improved, non-choking South Africans officially taking the Number One Test mantle they actually took fifteen months ago. And, uh, whatsername’s finished her thing. So who knows what she’ll do next.

Blogwatch! Back from holidays, hence the blogs are all back too....
Blogwatch! At Drinks Break, the Second Test continues between Australia and...
Blogwatch! 2MB Community Radio is covering a horse race of some...

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Twit

Dan — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:16:05 +0000

Here’s something odd. Some of you may have noticed the little ‘widget’ to the side there, proudly informing you that I’m on The Twitter™. Well, according to latest scientific studies from the International Institute of Twitter Research and Nerdology, I’m (at the time of writing), in the Top 400 Sydney Twitterers in terms of followers!

No, hold your applause. Please. I know this is exciting. Frankly, I didn’t even know I was nominated. The work is really the thing. The awards are just the icing on the topless presenters.

But should I settle for Top 400? The obvious answer to me, a natural hater of all numbers beginning with the digit 4 (4031 - looking at you), is no, I should not settle for that. I should settle for some other number range entirely. So, if you, brazen reader, are also on The Twitter, then please, go ahead and ‘follow’ me. It won’t cost you a cent. And if you’re anything other than a spambot, I’ll almost certainly follow you back. Reciprocity rulez OK!

Heck, even if you are a spambot. What the hell. New Year, right? Time to drop the old prejudices.

http://twitter.com/danliebke

Rocky Balboa Watched Rocky Balboa the other night. I must admit that,...

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Meat Loaf

Dan — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 04:01:55 +0000

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Every time I listen to the track You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth, I can’t help feeling sorry for Meat Loaf. Sorry and furious. And hungry**.

Here he is, confronted by one of the most insidious of all career criminals - the word-thief, brazenly stealing his utterances straight from his very larynx, masking her actions with an obviously duplicitous kiss. And how does Meat react? Not with justifiable and expected fury at this verbal burglary. No. Instead, he reveals the words she stole were ‘I love you’. Meat, Meat, Meat. Are you putty in this nogoodchick’s hands? (No, seriously, is Meat Loaf made of putty?). You are clearly blinded by her bad-girl image (and possibly her shiny lipstick that you are ‘dying’ to taste*).

I say, take that love back and give it to the lass on Track Five. Two out of three may not be bad, per se. But three out of three is a lot better.

* Kids! Don’t eat lipstick.

** Not even if you’re hungry.

Eating Horses I’m so hungry I could eat a horse’ Why is...
Channel Ten Blooper Show I was accidentally watching Channel Ten’s Blooper Show (Aren’t We...

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Laser Eye Surgery

Dan — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 22:38:59 +0000

New Year’s Resolution! This year I’m definitely getting the laser eye surgery. I’m sick of not having laser eyes.

Super Fashion We often take our superheroes for granted. We assume that...

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Blogwatch!

Dan — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 02:10:15 +0000

At Drinks Break, the Second Test continues between Australia and South Africa. At 2MB Community Radio, they’re continuing on with 2008 longer than the rest of us. And whatsername is back from Christmas break and almost ten chapters done.

Blogwatch! Back from holidays, hence the blogs are all back too....
Blogwatch! Mel Brooks has a plan to win the Seniors’ Surfing...
Blogwatch! Over at 2MB Community Radio, they’re still stuck in 2008....

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Final Crisis: Issue Five - Into Oblivion

Dan — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 22:18:59 +0000

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Onto the fifth issue (or ‘issue five’ as the traditionalists will insist upon calling it). We open with Hal Jordan on trial for killing a god. His accuser, an Alpha Lantern possessed by the evil Granny Goodness, puts forth her evidence: “You have a scar on your head and you can’t remember whether or not you committed this foul act of deicide. Also, you were once, ludicrously, possessed by a ‘yellow fear monster’. You must be guilty.” Hal puts up a spirited defence: “‘kay,” he says. Luckily, some other GL’s show up and point out that the scar could have come from anywhere as Jordan’s always getting hit on the head with stuff. And, furthermore, the whole ‘possessed by Granny Goodness’ thing means the prosecutor is, in fact, a total bitch. A fight erupts.

It is difficult to know what is most ridiculous - the name (Mr Terrific), the logo ('Fair Play') or the power ('invisible to machines'). So let's go with the mask.

Meanwhilst, back on Earth. there’s even more fighting. It’s frankly hard to keep track of what the heck is happening. But one thing’s for sure, Mr Terrific sure looks ridiculous with his ‘Fair Play’ logo down his jacket sleeves. Also, he calls himself ‘Mr Terrific’ and he’s barely terrifying at all. Luckily, there’s an attempt to trump him by Mr Miracle, who, while he doesn’t have ‘Fair Play’ or any other sports shoe marketing slogans on his costume, does have a bullet-proof vest beneath it. This explains why he’s not dead after being shot last issue, but surely doesn’t qualify as ‘miraculous’. Regardless, he explains the situation: “The war broke time and space. A fallen devil-god is dragging us down with him into a deep, dark hole in time, with no light, no hope and no escape.” “Okay,” says Mr Terrific. “So, uh, where is Superman again?”

Supes is nowhere to be found (as you’d expect - he talks a good fight, does Big Blue, but he’s oft the first to go missing in a crisis - anybody else remember how in the original Crisis he flaked out and let Supergirl do most of the hard (ie, deadly) yards against the Anti-Monitor?), so instead Supergirl steps up again, heat-visioning Mary Marvel in the face. “Thanks,” says Captain Marvel. “She’s so difficult to defeat when she’s possessed.” “She was possessed?” says Supergirl.

The issue ends as you’d expect with, a, uh, crazy person solving a Rubik’s Cube while Darkseid swallows the Earth into his soul, amid an epic speech of terror.

MVP: Libra (remember him?) He’s urging Luthor to be more evil. Luthor, for freak’s sake. More evil. And as a sweetener, he offers Lex the opportunity to be ‘first in line with Supergirl’. Oh, Libra. You are generous with your rape offerings.

Final Crisis [caption id="" align="alignright" width="104" caption="Buy on Amazon"][/caption] Table of Contents...
Final Crisis: Issue Four - Darkseid Says [caption id="" align="alignright" width="104" caption="Buy on Amazon"][/caption] Okay. When last...
Final Crisis: Issue Two - Ticket To Bludhaven [caption id="" align="alignright" width="104" caption="Buy on Amazon"][/caption] Onto the second...

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Heroes Recap, Season Three, Episode Thirteen

Dan — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:56:04 +0000

The finale of the Villains storyline, once again fantastically recapped over at the Preppies of the Apocalypse blog. The comments section is a-frenzy with speculation on what it all means. Thanks to the trial (not guilty! Boo-yah! Suck on that, Nanna!), I missed last week’s discussion, so I’m making up for it with twice as much speculative nonsense this week.

Topics under discussion:

Einstein? Really, Heroes? You’re invoking Einstein now?
Peter and Nathan - taking childish squabbles to a planet-threatening level
Sylar The Schemer? Wait, didn’t we just get back Sylar The Self-Amusing Murderer last week?
Super-Powered Marines - exactly how easy are they to kill?
And where, oh where was Skulky The Turtle Wonder?

Heroes Recap, Season Three, Episode Seven And A Half Oh, sure, there are new episodes of the third season...
Heroes Recap, Season Three, Episode Nine An especially hilarity-filled recap of the latest episode of Heroes...
Heroes Recap, Season Three, Episode Seven There’s a fresh new recap of the latest episode of...

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A Good Deed Gone Wrong

Dan — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:07:27 +0000

Like an idiot, I agreed to step in and take Jasper’s place in Punch! (a stage musical version of Rocky with the characters reimagined as various fruits and vegetables of the world). It wasn’t until I slipped the costume over my head that I realised things were, inevitably, about to go totally pear-shaped.

Six And Out When we were kids, we used to play football and...
Dis Chord When I was a kid, my next door neighbour Jasper...
Everything You Know Is Wrong I was sitting at home on the weekend working on...

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