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Election Guide

Running for public office? Feel more than completely free to borrow any or all of Dr Dan's Election Promises

Dr Dan's Election Promises

If elected I solemnly promise that the following will be done:

  1. TAX - Abolished. All required money will be stolen from banks.
  2. UNEMPLOYMENT - None. All people who are unemployed will be shipped to Norway.
  3. DEFENCE FORCES - Disbanded. All wars will be shipped to Norway. We will not take part.
  4. CRIME - Declared illegal. All criminals will be punished by the following method: A large object (eg. bus, house, Marlon Brando) will be dropped on their heads until they promise never to commit their crimes again.
  5. INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS - All striking people will be shot and sent to Norway.
  6. POLLUTION - Abolished. If this does not shut environmentalists up then we will reinstate it.
  7. WEATHER - All undesirable weather will be towed to Norway.
  8. HEALTH - A cure for all diseases will be found. In the meantime all sick people will be sent to Norway unless they can be cured. In that case they will be shot so as to save time later.
  9. EDUCATION - Abandoned. Everybody will have to work everything out for themselves. If it was good enough for Isaac Newton it's good enough for our kids.
  10. UNDESIRABLES - All undesirables (eg religious fanatics, other politicians, Rusty Crowe) will be either shot or sent to Norway depending on my whim.
  11. FOREIGN POLICY - Norway will have barbed wire placed around it.
  12. MUSIC - Will be good again (ie no boy bands).
  13. MOVIES - Ditto (ie no Sandra Bullock).
  14. TELEVISION - Reality shows will be banned (especially reality shows about Sandra Bullock forming a boy band).
  15. MP3 PLAYERS - Will be thrown to the idiots for their enjoyment.
  16. ANYTHING ELSE - Will be decided by me and no other person.

-- Dr. Dan

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