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Comedy Guide

Do you yearn to be a purveyor of humour and all round bon vivant? Of course you do. Dr Dan can help with his guide to writing comedy.

STEP 1 - SAY SOMETHING SILLY

This is difficult for most people but there are some fortunate souls such as Heather Graham to whom it comes naturally. However, if you're not one of these blessed people, you must keep practising. And remember, the sillier the better.

STEP 2 - RESPOND IN A SILLY WAY

This is easier because you now have a stimulus. But still strive for the silliest response imaginable.

STEP 3 - REPEAT STEP 2 UNTIL YOU HIT A PUNCHLINE

If you're very lucky, Step 1 will be a punchline and you can have lunch early.

A Worked Example

STEP 1

Start Comment
Hello Bad
Hi! How's life? Bad
I'm Dr Dan Bad
My shoe's broken Better
What's your name? Worse
My cat just died Okay
My dog just died Better (Remember: Dogs are funnier than cats)
My armadillo just died Very Good (Remember: Armadilloes are hilarious)
Two armadilloes just died Twice As Good
Ten million armadilloes just died Worse. Why?
My dog's got no larynx Excellent

JOKE 1.0 My dog's got no larynx

STEP 2

Response Comment
Poor doggie Bad
Is he all right? Bad
Who cares? Better
I know Good. (But doesn't develop joke)
I know. I removed it. Much Better. (Could be a punchline)
How does he walk? Close
How does he talk? Bingo!

JOKE 1.1 My dog's got no larynx. How does he talk?

STEP 3

Response Comment
He doesn't True. But Dull.
He uses semaphore Better.
Awful Awful.
In Latin So-So.
Dogs can't talk, moron. Quite Good.
Pardon? This Just Wastes Time.

At this stage, I could have chosen one of the above and kept going but something told me that, with a minor alteration in Step 1, I'd have it. It is this gut instinct which is often the difference between a successful Jokesmith and a rotting bag of excrement. So back I went.

STEP 1 (Take 2)

Start Comment
My armadillo's got no larynx Good. (Armadilloes are hilarious.)
My dog's got no head Also Good
My dog doesn't exist Punchline (This stands alone. Brilliant!)
My dog's got no friends Bad
My dog's got some friends Worse
My dog knows the Pope Worse Still
My dog's got no nose This Could Be It! Excellent!

I had a better starting point but the joke still didn't work.

JOKE 2.0 My dog's got no nose. How does he talk?

After a few weeks thought, the solution came to me. The first response was altered and the second response was added.

JOKE 2.1 My dog's got no nose. How does he smell? He doesn't.

This was almost right, and after a few alterations, Joke 2.3 was it. What was Joke 2.3? You can find out in my book - it's called 'Dog Jokes' and it contains all the jokes I created on the way to Joke 2.3. Recommended retail price is $49.95 and it's available at all good book shops and a few poorly thought out tobacconists.

-- Dr. Dan

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'Dog Jokes' by Dr Dan

Like laughing at dogs? Like to imagine them with amusing bodily injuries? Then, 'Dog Jokes' by Dr Dan, world famous Jokesmith, is the book for you. In this outstandingly hilarious look at dogs and their many amusing deformities, Dr Dan demonstrates how to make a joke, how to make it funny and how to really laugh hard at disfigured dogs.

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