THE DAWSON FILES SEASON 4
Score: 7.3 / 10 
20: Everybody Gets Dumped!
Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more information on these people and more, consult the scorecard
As usual, when the writers of Dawson's Creek feel lost for ideas, they throw a prom... with invariably magnificent results. This episode is no exception (hence the use of the word 'invariably' in the previous sentence.)
We begin with everybody preparing for the prom - Paceman is back from his mysterious wood-trekking journey last episode and organising everything for Ah Joey and (strangely) Mr Tosser and PBS. Elsewhere, Chipmunk Face is trying to convince Gay Jack to ask Other Gay Guy to the prom.
Gay Jack says 'I don't want to ask Other Gay Guy to the prom', which Chipmunk Face misinterprets, resulting in her ringing OGG and telling him to call Gay Jack and say 'I'm going to the prom with you.' Which he does. Gay Jack gets vengeance in a scheme that, for some reason, depended on split-second timing, and revolved around good ol' Bruce Wayne telling Chipmunk Face that she had to go to the prom with him.
There's also a problem with Paceman who has inexplicably decided that he doesn't want to bonk Ah Joey any more. Ah Joey is baffled by this, as is much of the viewing audience, and tries to more overtly seduce him, all to no avail. I think Paceman might be turning into Mr Tosser, and, let's face it, the last thing we need is two Mr Tossers.
Anyway, they all end up on a Prom Boat. Chipmunk Face gets wasted and decides that she wants to kill herself. Yawn. Bruce Wayne encourages this but all Chipmunk Face wants to do is talk about it and then sing the chorus of My Heart Will Go On, apparently mistaking Bruce Wayne for Leonardo DiCaprio Chipmunk Quarterback from last year.
"Ah Joey ... makes a balloon animal out of his condoms for him.
Paceman is still being all stand-offish with Ah Joey, so she naturally wanders off to Mr Tosser, hoping some of her jealousy-based mind games will get Paceman's rocks a-rockin' again. She asks Mr Tosser what he intends to do with the condoms she saw him purchasing earlier this evening. 'Are you going to bonk PBS?' she asks. 'I want to, but... you know... the no penis thing.' Ah Joey smiles sadly, and then makes a balloon animal out of his condoms for him. This makes Mr Tosser grin idiotically.
'I don't think I'll ever love anybody as much as I loved you' says Mr Tosser suddenly and for no immediately obvious reason. Ah Joey, taken aback, semi-reciprocates but phrases her response carefully: 'I don't think I'll ever love somebody in the same way I loved you' (ie not at all) she says.
And then they dance.
Out the back, Paceman and PBS have been concocting a very funny plan. They come back in, see Ah Joey and Mr Tosser dancing and put their plan into action. 'I'm not worthy of you, I feel like crap and I'm going to dump your sorry ass' says Paceman to Ah Joey, who naturally runs off, crying. Mr Tosser dons his old Kid Flash uniform and sprints after her, consoles her and is then confronted by PBS who proceeds to dump him also.
Paceman and PBS then get together and giggle with one another over how funny they were. 'Mr Tosser didn't even get any!' says PBS, laughing hysterically. 'I just broke up with Ah Joey!' says Paceman. laughing manically, then hesitantly, and then eventually not at all. Sometimes practical jokes can backfire, if you don't think them through carefully.
Elsewhere, Gay Jack and Other Gay Guy are pashing one another silly.
And then the prom's over and everybody's going home, all broken up with one another and cross (except for Gay Jack and OGG, who are still groping one another in the back seat). A very funny episode. I give it an 'A' for 'A very funny episode'.
Next Week: People are still dumped, and breaking up and moving on, getting ready for the season finale which surely must be soon...
Begone,
This here item has so far scored 7.3 / 10 on the patented Astonishing Tales Funny-o-meter.
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