THE DAWSON FILES SEASON 4
Score: 7.2 / 10 
16: A Drunken Haze
Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more information on these people and more, consult the scorecard
Well, a belated Dawson Files once again and a shortened one to boot. I have been in a drunken haze more or less since the episode went to air (because it was my 30th birthday, don't you know!) and, while this may be an effective way to watch Dawson, it does hinder the reporting of it somewhat.
We're in the aftermath of Ah Joey and Paceman's initial shagorama and they're looking for places to do it again. So they boot Paceman's Babe Sister out of the house. 'Why do you want me out of here, Paceman?' PBS asks. 'Are you going to shag Ah Joey?' 'No, not at all,' says Paceman. 'I'm uh... uh... uh... going to shag 80s pop sensation John Oates.' 'Well, that's just silly, Paceman. But sure, I'll get out of you're way. I'm off to shag Mr Tosser.' 'Mr Tosser?' says Paceman, who knows of Mr Tosser's penile absence. 'You should try Darryl Hall.'
So off they all go. But Mr Tosser stuffs up his evening of bonking-ness with PBS by crapping on about Ah Joey. He tells PBS that Ah Joey and Paceman aren't sleeping together, nuh-uh, no way, she told him. Hmmm... thinks PBS and gets a cute little frown on her forehead.
"... Chipmunk Face and Gay Jack are stalking Chipmunk Face's therapist."
Meanwhile, Chipmunk Face and Gay Jack are stalking Chipmunk Face's therapist. I think Chipmunk Face is in love with him and remembers how well Leonardo DiCaprio Chipmunk stalked her into submission last year.
Anyway, I don't really recall anything else that happened. There was potential for a bit of a farce scene at one point when Mr Tosser came over to visit Paceman and Ah Joey had to hide in a cupboard. That could have been very amusing, with funny music and double takes and hiding under beds and just getting away in the nick of time and stuff... but it wasn't.
Anyway, PBS had the shits with everybody and gave everybody a good talking-to about lies. So I think next week Ah Joey tells Mr Tosser the truth - about everything! (including how crap the show is without Crazy Andy).
That's all. I don't feel I'm in a position to assess whether this was a good episode or otherwise, given that most of it is a drunken haze. I'm sure it will be eventually repeated, and I'll update you all then.
(Oh yeah, I vaguely recall Mr Tosser comparing Bruce Wayne to a Batman villain at one point. So near, Mr Tosser, and yet so far.)
Next Week: You can't handle the truth!!
Begone,
This here item has so far scored 7.2 / 10 on the patented Astonishing Tales Funny-o-meter.
If it should be higher, click the green arrow:
And if you think it should be lower, try the red one:
To receive this kind of stuff via a convenient regular email, visit the subscription page
Or don't. I'm not the boss of you.
