Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

Well, a little bit ofa letdown after the magnificence oflast week. This week we have Dawsontrying to work out who Eve themysterious stripper lust-mongerreally is. So hewanders around for a bit, playing a bitof a detective role trying to track herdown. He spots her breaking intoChipmunk Face’s house and calls thepigs. The pig is Pacey’s brother andDawson changes his mind and lies to himto protect Eve who disappearsagain.

Meanwhile, ChipmunkFace and Gay Jack are best friends,apparently. Because it’s so hot (it’sreally hot, by the way) they’ve made ahabit of laying on the ground at thelocal golf course or something,ruminating on life’s little mysteries(ie what it’s like to be gay, what it’slike to look like a chipmunk) and thenwhen the sprinklers come on they squeallike gay chipmunks.

Joey is being hassledby her boss but remains stoically cute.However, Crazy Andy has fallen for thesmooth talker’s wily words and is goingout with him. Joey tags along for thedate. Boss makes lame joke aboutthreesome.

Meanwhile, Dawson andPacey have been looking for Eve,finally following her to a sailboat.Dawson breaks in and steals a photo.Pacey’s pig brother comes and bustshim. Then Pacey shows up, insinuatesthat his brother is gay (this, Ibelieve, is important because earlierin the episode Gay Jack had beendistressed because the gay populationof Cape Side was 1) and Dawson is letoff with a warning.

… that’s why she’s been wandering aroundtown seducing Dawson.

Eve shows up inDawson’s room and wants her photo back.Dawson asks about the photo. Evereveals that it’s a photo of her motherwho gave her up for adoption at birth.She’s been trying to find her andthat’s why she’s been wandering aroundtown seducing Dawson. Don’t quitefollow the logic there but she’s made ahabit of wearing ridiculously tightand/or skimpy clothes, so we’ll cut hersome slack in the brainsdepartment.

Joey is fired fromher job for not participating in thethreesome with Andy and the Boss. GayJack sets up little Leonardo diCaprioChipmunk Quarterback with Chipmunk Facewithout telling Chipmunk Face. He justmakes LdCCQB go to the sprinklers inGay Jack’s place. Chipmunk Face getsshitty at LdCCQB telling him if hewants to go on a date he shouldactually ask the girl out, then shegets shitty at Gay Jack, accusing himof being a gay pimp.

Then, in the finalscene, Dawson findsanother photo of Eve’smum in Chipmunk Face’s house. It turnsout that Eve’s mum is also ChipmunkFace’s mum! Imagine the odds!

Next Week: Dawson re-invents themacarena. Andy and Joey make sweet,passionate love. Pacey is revealed tobe a terminator!! Chipmunk Face isrevealed to be a small rodent. Gay Jackbuilds a fire engine. Actually, I haveno idea.

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