THE DAWSON FILES SEASON 3
Score: 7.7 / 10 
21: I'm Not Talking To You
Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more information on these people and more, consult the scorecard
Well, what a lacklustre episode. As a result of last week's shenanigans everybody hates everybody else. Kid Flash hates Paceman and Ah Joey, Paceman hates Kid Flash and Ah Joey, Ah Joey hates Paceman and Kid Flash. Nobody's thinking about Crazy Andy, but she hates Paceman and Ah Joey anyway. The Chipmunks are squabbling with one another. Within this sea of bad mojo, Gay Jack is an island of non-hatred and style.
So what happens? Not a lot. The Flash kiddie and Paceman enter a boat race. This is how Dawson intends to win back Ah Joey's heart. A bold, if kinda nutty plan. He proceeds therefore to race his boat like a maniac, running down marine life and nuclear subs and playing chicken with The Paceman. Paceman breaks first in the game of sea-chicken and loses the race. But the Flash lad also loses because he is disqualified for 'racing in a reckless manner as a result of your best friend seducing your alleged soul mate'. An obscure nautical law, but one that Dawson undoubtedly broke. The eventual winner was therefore declared to be The Captain and Tenille.
"... a psychotic violent episode is not at all out of the question."
The idiot Boy Chipmunk is just getting plain creepy. Because the two chipmunks had squabbled a little, Boy Chipmunk decided to just follow Girl Chipmunk around and hold a sign saying 'Please Forgive Me, Lady Chipmunk'. (On the back of the sign were the lyrics to Kenny Rogers' The Gambler - nobody knows why.) There is a very fine line between devotion to the one you love and a severe case of stalking. Boy Chipmunk is so creepily far beyond that line that a psychotic violent episode is not at all out of the question. Fingers crossed. Of course, this kind of sick perversion is just what the Girl Chipmunk's been looking for, so they get back together.
Also back together are Mr and Mrs Flash... which is nice.
And that's all. Ah Joey decided to watch ET with Kid Flash. Crazy Andy very symbolically handed Paceman his 'True Love' sign. And that's all. Very lacklustre.
Next week: The Prom. Crazy Andy gets pigs' blood poured all over her and responds by killing everybody with her telekinesis!
Begone,
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