THE DAWSON FILES SEASON 3
Score: 7.7 / 10 
17: Paceman Slips The Tongue
Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more information on these people and more, consult the scorecard
Ahhh... now, that's mighty fine Dawson....
A superb episode that lives up to the highest Dawsonesque standards. We begin with The Paceman driving Ah Joey up to visit Incredibly Sensible College Boy who has won an award for being the world's most stereotypical intelligent person. Paceman tells Ah Joey that ISCB is just a sick fantasy of hers, and a bit of a dropkick and that he'll probably turn out to be some form of farm-animal molester, but that he hopes she has a really good time. Ah Joey says that she might get to dance and referred back to the dancing lessons she had many episodes ago that were, at the time, thought pointless. But, of course, nothing is sans point on Dawson - it is all a rich tapestry.
Then Paceman heads back to look after some small child. This was some kind of community help program that had been established to allow small children to experience the benefits associated with being a plot device in a television soap opera. The young kid turns out to be (like everybody else on the show) absurdly verbose. It was also mentioned that he had a super-high IQ (in this way much like Dexter from Perfect Match) but that he performed poorly at school because his father was shagging some bimbo. Not clear on the link there, but The Paceman bought it.
Meanwhile, Kid Flash is helping Mrs Flash organise her little restaurant that's about to open. Now, nothing at all of interest happened here, although it was used as filler between more interesting bits. I won't be resorting to such a tactic. Chipmunk Face tried to be a waitress (which is disgusting - I'm sure there are laws against rodents serving food) and Kid Flash got his dad, the original Flash in to help, which caused a boring ruckus. But nothing actually happened, so we won't mention it again. (This, BTW, is where Crazy Andy and Gay Jack made their appearance for the week, just, like, eating food. I told you it was dull.)
"She's no Ah Joey, but she's not too foul at all."
So Ah Joey is met by ISCB's best friend who's a babealicious girl (hands up who's surprised?). She's no Ah Joey, but she's not too foul at all. One thinks that ISCB is going to suggest some from of menage a trois but... no, because Ah Joey doesn't speak French. Instead, Ah Joey and Cute Best Friend get to know one another and there's a little jealousy from Ah Joey but nothing too major. Ah Joey learns how to rollerblade. That may or may not be relevant.
By now, Paceman and Dexter have bonded over some boat painting and meatloaf - this is much how Hitler and Eva Braun originally formed their unique bond, as I understand. They chat. Paceman confesses that he wants to do disgusting things to Ah Joey. Dexter opines that they have a compatibility rating of 96% and urges him to go for it.
Meanwhile, up on stage at his little award ceremony stands Incredibly Stupid College Boy. ISCB has decided to read a poem that is entitled I'm Hot For My Best Friend And I Want To Nail Her And Ah Joey Can Just Get Lost. Ah Joey gets the hint and starts to head home. ISCB regrets not teaching Ah Joey some basic French and decides to look for another acting job as we shall not be seeing him on Dawson again. Ah Joey calls The Paceman to drive her home.
Which he does. And then eventually his hormones explode, he stops the car and initiates some tonsil hockey. Fade to black!
As I said, mighty fine Dawson. I give it several zillion out of ten.
Next week: Well, how can it be anything other than bloody brilliant!!
Begone,
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