THE DAWSON FILES SEASON 3
Score: 7.1 / 10 
10: The Dawson's Creek Players go to College
Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more information on these people and more, consult the scorecard
Well, yet another installment of this acclaimed series. What happened?
Kid Flash, Ah Joey, Gay Jack and Crazy Andy ducked off to Cambridge for the weekend, as so many of us like to do. Kid Flash had entered his Blair Witch rip-off film in the Sundance film festival, Ah Joey was checking out the college because she'd applied there. Crazy Andy was just planning to annoy the Dean, I think. And Gay Jack wanted to cruise some gay bars.
So each took their mission and set off their separate ways.
Kid Flash went to the film festival, where he received his entry pass from a Cool Black Girl. He then went and watched his movie and was disappointed when everybody sneered at his efforts and said 'Kid Flash, you are a hopeless film maker'. Kid Flash got up and answered questions about the movie but there was really only one - 'Who was that Joey chick? She's hot.' Which I felt was a valid artistic point but Kid Flash looked all glum and moped out of the screening. Cool Black Girl met him and said 'Kid Flash, your movie sucked. You should stop ripping off other people's ideas and make more movies about Joey'. Dawson told the Cool Black Girl to shut up, because she was just a ticket-seller.
Meanwhile, Ah Joey has, through an hilarious set of circumstances, been assigned a roommate who is not a female (as she expected) but rather a boy, who later turned out to be incredibly sensible. Incredibly Sensible Boy told Ah Joey to bugger off for a while, while he finished his assignment. So she did. She met him again at a lecture which she was just checking out. Turns out that Incredibly Sensible Boy was a much trusted young man as he took the place of the absent lecturer and led everybody in a discussion of 'Great Books'. He then ridiculed Ah Joey's choice of Little Women', thereby casting doubts on my 'sensible' claims.
Kid Flash and Ah Joey bump into one another and have a quick chat. Dawson wonders if he's sufficiently talented to be a filmmaker. Ah Joey says a whole heap of nice things about how she remembers the first day she realised that Kid Flash was interested in making films and so on and so forth but never actually answers the question.
"... Crazy Andy's stalking the dean ..."
Meanwhile, Crazy Andy's stalking the dean, but ends up having coffee with an old black woman. Didn't follow any of this.
Gay Jack has found a gay nightclub and wanders in, but doesn't know what to do. Some other gay person buys him a drink but Gay Jack panics and runs away.
Kid Flash, meanwhile, has gone to some more screenings and seen the greatest movie ever (something much like Caddyshack I assume). The director is invited up to answer questions. Would anybody like to guess who it is? That's right, Cool Black Girl. Kid Flash is flabbergasted and initiates a chat with her wherein he starts to feel all uncomfortable and inadequate. He eventually runs off very quickly.
Ah Joey has managed to befriend Incredibly Sensible Boy who is now showing her into secret libraries. He shows her an original copy of Little Women and then confesses that his favourite novel is not at all cool either - The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. He then confesses that his second-favourite book is Love-Pump Lesbians, which you would think was a mistake, but Ah Joey thinks that's okay.
Then it's time to go home. On the train, Kid Flash bumps into Cool Black Girl. Guess where she's going? Capeside. Kid Flash is stunned! 'I don't know if you can get into the film class,' says Kid Flash. 'It's already full.' 'Not a problem,' says Cool Black Girl. 'My dad's the principal.' Kid Flash is even more stunned!! But then realises that he should have realised that Cool Black Girl would be Cool Black Principal's daughter. A very exciting coincidence.
Meanwhile, Gay Jack is somewhere else on the train. Guess who he meets? Another gay person. Guess where the other gay person is going? Capeside!! Gay Jack is over the moon (and many other astronomical objects) by this other very exciting coincidence.
Crazy Andy is just humming Mel and Kim medleys to herself in a corner somewhere, as her little brain slowly fades away.
And guess what Incredibly Sensible Boy has done? That's right, this boy has very sensibly asked (and received) Ah Joey's phone number. Incredibly Sensible.
And no, I have no idea where Chipmunk Face and The Paceman were all episode. Maybe they changed their minds from last week and decided to go a-bonking somewhere after all.
Next week: Well, who the hell knows. Something bloody brilliant no doubt!
Footnote: And where did Ah Joey end up going to college in later seasons? Well, Worthington of course. Because, why not? (No, you're welcome, search engine searchers)
Begone,
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