THE DAWSON FILES SEASON 1
Score: 7.3 / 10 
8: Ah Joey Gets Shit-Faced
Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as The Paceman, Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith) as Gay Jack, Andie McPhee (Meredith Monroe) as Crazy Andy and Grams (Mary Beth Peil) as herself. For more information on these people and more, consult the scorecard
We begin with Mr Tosser having a bit of a rant and wondering out loud to Ah Joey why nice guys are no longer respected by female-type people. 'They never were,' says Ah Joey. 'And neither were dorks like you.'
But guess who has blown into town? Chipmunk Face's ex-boyfriend Dale. He's a bad boy and Chipmunk Face is a whore, so naturally, she drops Mr Tosser like a hot penis-less potato, cutting class and driving off with him.
Mr Flash is still cross with Mrs Flash, and so continues to insult her mercilessly. Which is funny.
Mr Tosser tracks down Chipmunk Face and Dale, and so Chipmunk Face decides it will be amusing to make Mr Tosser and Dale hang out for a while, so tells Mr Tosser that Dale should sleep at his place. I think she's hoping for a little homo-erotica and a budding potential threesome. Mr Tosser, like a tosser, lets him stay...
Dale immediately starts telling Mr Tosser the extent of Chipmunk Face's sluttiness. 'I know all that,' says Mr Tosser. 'But did you know this?' says Dale, and whispers something in his ear.
'Oh my god!' says Mr Tosser. 'Is that even physically possible??'
"Mr Tosser wants to see the grape trick Dale told him about ..."
So Mr Tosser confronts Chipmunk Face, who tells him that this is difficult for her. And why doesn't Mr Tosser cut her some slack? Mr Tosser wants to see the grape trick Dale told him about and when she refuses to show him, he runs off.
So everybody goes to a party. Dale is understandably incredulous about the fact that Chipmunk Face has chosen Mr Tosser over him, so also crashes the party... just to make sure that he's not missing something subtle.
Mr Tosser starts to chat up Ah Joey, but while he's getting her a drink Chipmunk Face shows up and whisks him away. So, Ah Joey gets shit-faced. I think this is the first time we've seen this. But it won't be the last time.
Dale confronts Chipmunk Face and Mr Tosser and they all have a major squabble which ends with Mr Tosser accusing Chipmunk Face of sleeping with half of New York. This is true, but Chipmunk Face takes offense and runs off.
Paceman and Mr Tosser take the wasted Ah Joey home. Ah Joey is so drunk that she plants one on Mr Tosser. Meanwhile, Paceman does a one-man performance of The Crying Game in order to put the baby to sleep and give it psychological problems for the rest of its days.
Mr Tosser goes home to find Dale checking out. While saddened to see him go, Mr Tosser still heads off to find Chipmunk Face and congratulate her on discarding Dale.
And then, in a brilliantly funny move, Chipmunk Face dumps Mr Tosser's sorry butt as well. She also inexplicably claims that she's pretty, a claim that Mr Tosser doesn't pick her up on because he's bizarrely broken up by being dumped by a chipmunk.
What a funny final twist. It made the episode a truly magnificent one. Plus, it's always funny when Ah Joey gets shit-faced.
Next Week: Dale comes back, and Mr Tosser moves on...
Begone,
This here item has so far scored 7.3 / 10 on the patented Astonishing Tales Funny-o-meter.
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