Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

So what happened inthis early episode? Not anawful lot.

Mr Tosser continuedhis hot pursuit of Chipmunk Face,Paceman continued his hot pursuit ofhis teacher, Miss Farquar, and Ah Joeydecided to seduce a youngbillionaire violinist.

Ah Joey lies to theyoung billionaire violinist whoshows up at her coffee shop onesunny afternoon. She tells himthat she’s a young billionairevioliness also. Splendid, saysyoung Yehudi. And theycelebrate by sailing to a desertedisland for brunch.

Meanwhile, Mr Tosserhas been conscripted as a gofer forthe official classmovie. We are supposed toempathise with Mr Tosser aboutthe lameness of the movie he’sbeing forced to work on.

The movie … sounds tens of thousands oftimes better than Mr Tosser’slame-ass horror flick.

But I refuse toempathise. The movie, a searinginsight into football helmetsalready sounds tens of thousands oftimes better than Mr Tosser’slame-ass horror flick.

Jealous, Mr Tossertries to disrupt the movie withunwelcome suggestions. Hisinsidious plan fails and he isforced to leave the set and go back towork on his stupid movie.

Then Ah Joey comesback from her day trip toVanuatu and is forced to work.Who should wander into the shop, butyoung Yehudi. Ah Joey tries tomake the best of the situationby attempting to maintain her charadeas the millionaire violiness.

As you might imagine,Mr Tosser just about bollocksthe whole thing up. ButChipmunk Face and Ah Joey’s sister’scool black boyfriend save the day.Imagine the odds ofthat!

And where is Pacemanwhile all this is going on?He’s cunningly working his wayinto Miss Farquar’s pants.Firstly, he tricks her into offeringsexual favours in return for himlearnin’ ’boutstuff.

Then, because MissFarquar hungers for the touchof the Paceman, she cuts himsome slack and bonks his brains outanyway, despite the fact that hethought that Bram Stoker wroteEmma.

And that’s all.Told you not muchhappened.

Next Week: Not much more happens… Ihave no idea why I perseveredwith this the first timearound.

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