Category: thoughts

The thoughts in this section of the site were generated automatically by an artificially intelligent computer program using basic humour heuristics and the underlying mathematical theory of comedy as put forth by John Allen Paulos in his book Mathematics and Humor. The program uses a variety of cutting-edge techniques including genetic algorithms, fuzzy logic and neural networks to generate the paragraph-long thoughts provided here.

Pretty nerdish, huh?

Or, at least, it would be if it were true.

Liver, Baby Liver

Which internal organ do you think is most full of itself? It’s surely no surprise to anybody who has correctly parsed the heading of this post that my vote goes to the liver.  I mean, yes, the liver is a vital piece of anatomical machinery for anybody who wants to live, but it’s part of [...]

Gay Pride March

I went to a gay pride march the other day. Question: how do they get all the lions into those adorable sequined outfits?

Burning Bright

Despite the fact I have negative interest in the age-old walk-ruining pox that is golf, that hasn’t stopped me from previously commenting on Mr Tiger Woods. Perhaps it has something to do with my disbelief that a grown man could go around calling himself ‘Tiger’. Perhaps it’s because I’m genuinely curious as to whether or [...]

Listless and Lackadaisical

Woke up feeling listless and lackadaisical. Pretty sure it’s because I lost my inventory of cows named after flowers.

Team Talk

There is no ‘I’ in team. Particularly if your team of choice is the Royal Scots Homophone-Oblivious Nay-Saying Sightless Squadron.

The Monastery Comics

When I was about nine, Brother Rocco used to let me hang out after school at the monastery reading from the monks’ extensive comic book collection. Which was awesome! But as much as I enjoyed perusing the adventures of my favourite superheroes, I think what I enjoyed most about the comics were the mind-boggling advertisements. [...]

Daisy Chain

As a young kid growing up in the country, there wasn’t much in the way of quality entertainment. We often had to make our own fun. So, for example, one summer we went mad for dominoes (Honourable Mention in the Far North Coast NSW U/12 Domino Championships for my domino-centric tribute to Poison’s smash hit [...]

Chalking The Chalk

When you’re one of those crime scene specialists who draws outlines around murder victims and you lose your chalk, do you get frustrated with people who paradoxically urge you to ‘retrace your steps’? I bet you do. Keep your contradictory counsel to yourself, you snickering bastards!

Undead Poets Society

I suppose, given the current spate of zombiemania, this was always inevitable. Eat him, boys, before he gets a chance to unleash yet another of his John Wayne impressions.

Gorilla Warfare

So apparently we need to recycle our old phones because when mobile (aka ‘cell’) phone manufacturers make new phones, they do immense damage to, and in some cases destroy, gorilla habitats. The article I read didn’t make it at all clear what one thing had to do with the other, but knowing those telecommunication maniacs [...]

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