Category: thoughts
The thoughts in this section of the site were generated automatically by an artificially intelligent computer program using basic humour heuristics and the underlying mathematical theory of comedy as put forth by John Allen Paulos in his book Mathematics and Humor. The program uses a variety of cutting-edge techniques including genetic algorithms, fuzzy logic and neural networks to generate the paragraph-long thoughts provided here.
Pretty nerdish, huh?
Or, at least, it would be if it were true.
Liver, Baby Liver
Which internal organ do you think is most full of itself? It’s surely no surprise to anybody who has correctly parsed the heading of this post that my vote goes to the liver. I mean, yes, the liver is a vital piece of anatomical machinery for anybody who wants to live, but it’s part of [...]
Posted: September 2nd, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: ensemble casts, infantical midwives, internal organs, woody harrelson
Comments: 1
Gay Pride March
I went to a gay pride march the other day. Question: how do they get all the lions into those adorable sequined outfits?
Posted: August 29th, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: adorable sequins, gay pride march
Comments: 1
Burning Bright
Despite the fact I have negative interest in the age-old walk-ruining pox that is golf, that hasn’t stopped me from previously commenting on Mr Tiger Woods. Perhaps it has something to do with my disbelief that a grown man could go around calling himself ‘Tiger’. Perhaps it’s because I’m genuinely curious as to whether or [...]
Posted: August 26th, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: negative interest, shitting bears, skanks (crusty), tiger woods
Comments: none
Listless and Lackadaisical
Woke up feeling listless and lackadaisical. Pretty sure it’s because I lost my inventory of cows named after flowers.
Posted: August 25th, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: daisy-less, lacking lists
Comments: none
Team Talk
There is no ‘I’ in team. Particularly if your team of choice is the Royal Scots Homophone-Oblivious Nay-Saying Sightless Squadron.
Posted: August 22nd, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: no aye in team, no eyes in team, no i in team
Comments: 1
The Monastery Comics
When I was about nine, Brother Rocco used to let me hang out after school at the monastery reading from the monks’ extensive comic book collection. Which was awesome! But as much as I enjoyed perusing the adventures of my favourite superheroes, I think what I enjoyed most about the comics were the mind-boggling advertisements. [...]
Posted: July 1st, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: brother rocco, comic book collections, flannel man, ridiculous haircuts, sea monkeys
Comments: 1
Daisy Chain
As a young kid growing up in the country, there wasn’t much in the way of quality entertainment. We often had to make our own fun. So, for example, one summer we went mad for dominoes (Honourable Mention in the Far North Coast NSW U/12 Domino Championships for my domino-centric tribute to Poison’s smash hit [...]
Posted: June 20th, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: homemade alcohol, tipping over multiple cows, unskinny bop
Comments: 1
Chalking The Chalk
When you’re one of those crime scene specialists who draws outlines around murder victims and you lose your chalk, do you get frustrated with people who paradoxically urge you to ‘retrace your steps’? I bet you do. Keep your contradictory counsel to yourself, you snickering bastards!
Posted: June 7th, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: crime scene specialists, murder victims, outlines
Comments: none
Undead Poets Society

I suppose, given the current spate of zombiemania, this was always inevitable. Eat him, boys, before he gets a chance to unleash yet another of his John Wayne impressions.
Posted: June 6th, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: john wayne impressions, undead zombies, zombiemania
Comments: 1
Gorilla Warfare
So apparently we need to recycle our old phones because when mobile (aka ‘cell’) phone manufacturers make new phones, they do immense damage to, and in some cases destroy, gorilla habitats. The article I read didn’t make it at all clear what one thing had to do with the other, but knowing those telecommunication maniacs [...]
Posted: May 31st, 2010 under thoughts.
Tags: gorilla habitats, mobile phone manufacturers, old phones, this administration does not negotiate with nokia
Comments: none