Category: music

The Beatles

In the smash hit single When I’m Sixty-Four by plucky up-and-coming Liverpudlian band The Beatles (note the unusual spelling – a trap for inexperienced music journalists), was Sir Paul McCartney genuinely worried that his geriatry would be punished by starvation? (‘Will you still feed me, When I’m sixty-four?’)

If so, what startling prescience of the nuances [...]

The Turtles

In their smash hit single Elenore, ’60s troubadours The Turtles express their love for the titular Elenore as follows:
Elenore, gee I think you’re swell
And you really do me well
You’re my pride and joy, etcetera
‘Etcetera’?? ‘Etcetera’?? Brilliance. I mean, I’d have been overcome with giddiness at the thought of wooing someone with the underused adjective that [...]

Bryan Adams

Interview questions for Bryan Adams (to be asked the next time your local 80s rock station spews forth Summer of ‘69)

QUESTION: So, Bryan, what was your first real instrument?

QUESTION: Where did you get it?

QUESTION: How long did you play it?

QUESTION: Ouch! When was this?

Pause for important guitar chord.

QUESTION: Who did you hang out with back [...]

Europe

According to the smash hit song The Final Countdown, the farewelling, spacefaring troubadours are ‘heading to Venus’. Fair enough. A sound enough destination, given that planet’s mass and proximity and dubious claims of being the birthplace of all womenfolk. But then these self-same singing astronauts go on to claim, later in the same verse, that [...]

Sir Mix A Lot

According to the smash hit song Baby Got Back, Sir Mix A Lot’s ‘anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hon’. Oh yeah? Well, my anaconda doesn’t want any double negatives, regardless of my hon’s bun status. Grammar up, Mix A Lot!

Tony Orlando and Dawn

In the smash-hit song Knock Three Times by Tony Orlando and Dawn, the object of Tony’s (and Dawn’s, presumably) affection is urged to ‘knock three times on the ceiling if you want me’. Alternatively, ‘twice on the pipe if the answer is no’.

Simple enough, right? But are relationships ever such a simple yes/no proposition? Should [...]

Bon Jovi

When Bon Jovi makes the hollering accusation ‘you give love a bad name’ in the coincidentally-titled song You Give Love A Bad Name, is he claiming that the defendant has rechristened ‘love’ as, say, ‘Lady Amorous Von Heart-Yearning McInfatuated’?

Because he has a point. That is a bad name.

ZZ Top

Female paraplegic ZZ Top fans must be torn by the song Legs. On the one hand, the piss-taking lyric ’she’s got legs, she knows how to use them’. On the other, that awesome driving guitar riff.

Percy Sledge

According to Percy Sledge, when a man loves a woman, he (among many other things) will ‘give up all his comforts and sleep out in the rain, if she says that’s the way it ought to be.’

Huh.

I guess the title When A Man Is Pussy-Whipped By A Woman was taken.

Celine Dion

A lot of people don’t like Celine Dion (and, hence, Canada and women). But, I say, credit where it’s due – Ms Dion understands the raw emotional power of music in a way that few others do. For example, as a result of the court order (and, again, heartfelt apologies to the local Grade Three [...]

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Recent Comments

  • The Turtles (5)
    • Morgan: Oh! Oh! Talk to Boy-Morgan about this one — he’s a repository of Turtles-lore. Years ago, when he...
    • Dan: Why? Your name’s Elenore, isn’t it?
    • Your Wife: Lyrical genius. I am somewhat disturbed to think you may actually have this in your collection though.
  • The Lost Analysis: Season Six (13)
    • Dan: True. But it’ll take them a while to sort things out and get off the island, I’m guessing. Either...
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    • Dan: Thank you. Next show’s at 11.
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    • Dan: Yeah, but Stalin loved movies about roller-skating Greek disco muses. So, y’know…

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