Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Watched the 1999 smash hit Kevin Smith film Dogma the other night. Remarkably (or perhaps ‘ironically’, right Jagged Little Pill fanatics?) this movie features Alanis Morissette as the Ultimate Creator. Huh, and people complain about scientists playing God.

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I know nothing of the upcoming smash hit film Knight And Day featuring uberstars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. But I saw the poster at the cinema the other day and questions were well and truly raised:

Is Tom inexplicably wearing a far too short, skin-tight dress?
Or is Cameron equi-inexplicably wielding a wang?
And why is the [...]

Recently watched the 2004 smash hit cinematic classic Alien vs Predator. Because, heck. I like Aliens. I like Predators. I like the concept of things ‘versus’ other things. Furthermore, I was unwell and couldn’t be bothered moving from the couch. All these aspects converged to make my viewing of this movie a near statistical certainty [...]

Rumours abound of an impending new movie titled Hot Tub Time Machine. As I say while hijacking the comments at my friend Morgan’s blog, is it too much to hope that the creators of this movie will eschew the obvious idea of a hot tub that doubles as a time machine? (Answer: Yes)

Still, why not [...]

Huh. So, just a quick update on that list of The Best Movies of 2009 Featuring A Giant Blue Man Being Totally Kickass And Awesome While Dealing With The Threat Of Total Planetary Devastation. Um, yeah. Watchmen is now number two (2).

The most satisfying scene in Star Wars Episode 6: Return of the Jedi is no doubt the one where, after much taunting of Luke by the Emperor about his (Luke’s) inevitable capitulation to the Dark Side and his (Luke’s) destiny as his (The Emperor’s) new apprentice, Vader suddenly summons hidden reserves of strength and hurls [...]

When, oh when, oh when are they going to remake The Sound of Music? I mean, come on, this thing’s over forty years old! Let’s get an up-to-date version already, with, say, Megan Fox reprising the Julie Andrews role and those out-of-date Nazis replaced with more modern enemies, such as Al Qaeda or The Pussycat [...]

So I rewatched the awesome Shaun of the Dead last night and was reminded via the special features that the movie was originally marketed as a ‘RomZomCom’. Which is Very Clever™.

What would have been more clever would have been if they’d played up the love story between Shaun’s typically British mother and her husband. Then [...]

As agreed by the terms of the hostage negotiation, I sat down and watched Bride Wars the other night. Rarely have I seen a more by-the-numbers rom-com. Minute by minute, as if by screenwriting clockwork, each beat in the inane storyline was slammed down with dire predictability until finally, with soulless inevitability, the foreordained denouement [...]

The GI Joe movie is here! And, of course, I’ve been given secret promotional material links to help promote it, because isn’t that what promotional material is all about? The promoting? Hell, yeah.

But you know what kind of promotion I miss? The dance craze tie-in. Remember how, for 1989’s Batman, The Artist Currently Known As [...]