Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

At the beginning of Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones, one of Queen Amidala’s body doubles is blown up by a mysterious assassin. Annoying, but what are you gonna do? That’s why they’re paid the big credits. But how much more annoying would it have been had there been a snafu back at [...]

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So I caught the last hour of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers again last night. In particular, I caught the final epic Battle of The Sacrificial Elves (or whatever it was called), which featured (among other things) Legolas skateboarding down the side of a castle wall to butcher a myriad of orcs (a [...]

Much like when I first saw The Usual Suspects or Gremlins, the relentless pre-viewing hype ultimately led to disappointment with the smash hit film Inception. I have my own ideas as to what the greatest film of all time would look like, and Inception, despite a brave, slo-mo attempt, fell short. Also, I don’t think [...]

Well, that’s one (1) idiotic romcom premise successfully undermined. Next: Seattle’s favourite widower Tom Hanks reveals that he sleeps like a goddamn log.

1980′s smash hit movie Flash Gordon is a brilliantly stupid movie, full of camp nonsense and a soundtrack to die for. (Interestingly and non-conversely, however, the soundtrack to 1995′s Nicole Kidman-centric smash hit documentary To Die For is rarely considered ‘flashy’. Discuss!). But how much more brilliantly stupid would Flash Gordon have been had the [...]

So, was Hannibal Lecter forced by the very rhyming qualities of his name to become a cannibal? Did he ponder the idea of being known as ‘Hannibal The Serial Killer Genius Who Does Not Eat His Victims’ before eventually settling on the pithier ‘Hannibal The Cannibal’ as his nom de meurtre? If John ‘Hannibal’ Smith [...]

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Fact: The 2007 smash hit film I Am Legend was originally titled I Am Leg End and was positioned as a sequel to My Left Foot from the perspective of the foot! Only with more zombies and Will Smith. Don’t tell me Hollywood’s forgotten how to do sophisticated drama.

Was there ever a movie more finely cast than the 1990 smash hit Flatliners? Because, as I rewatched this film the other night, I couldn’t help but notice that whether it was Kiefer ‘Sure, I tortured a small child to death… isn’t this 24?’ Sutherland or Kevin ‘zero degrees of separation, baby’ Bacon or Julia [...]

Watched the 1999 smash hit Kevin Smith film Dogma the other night. Remarkably (or perhaps ‘ironically’, right Jagged Little Pill fanatics?) this movie features Alanis Morissette as the Ultimate Creator. Huh, and people complain about scientists playing God.

I know nothing of the upcoming smash hit film Knight And Day featuring uberstars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. But I saw the poster at the cinema the other day and questions were well and truly raised: Is Tom inexplicably wearing a far too short, skin-tight dress? Or is Cameron equi-inexplicably wielding a wang? And [...]