Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

1st of December, 2004 Diary Note: 3:50 pm Lunch with Joe Eszterhas. Discussed my proposal for investment in current film. JE suggested that with wedding profit projections, I could receive 40% of net profits, associate producer credit and walk-on cameo as pizza delivery boy. Balked at ‘net’. Tried to negotiate further but JE too distracted [...]

1st of November, 2004 Diary Note: 10:45 pm (?) Survived Halloween last night. Have not slept for thirty-six hours. Good move. Now understand all manner of things. Played Daydream Believer to Kristin Davis, hoping she’d see deeper structure of all things. Didn’t succeed, but KD did perform little dance for me, which was satisfactory alternative. [...]

1st of October, 2004 Diary Note: 11:00 pm Sean Penn invited me interstate to holiday home for writing brainstorming session. On balance, decided good idea. SP’s ice sculpture more visually disturbing than anything seen before, but, on other hand, SP assures me he has flat screen TV. 2nd of October, 2004 Diary Note: 2:00 pm [...]

1st of September, 2004 Diary Note: 11:40 pm Spent all day catching up with Jennifer Hawkins. JH made fruit salad using no fruit whatsoever. Impressive. Must watch more closely next time to see how feat accomplished. Certain melons are somehow key. 2nd of September, 2004 Diary Note: 8:00 am About to head to bed last [...]

1st of August, 2004 Diary Note: 7:30 pm Felt queasy all day. Certain it was Ashley Judd’s trout daiquiris. 2nd of August, 2004 Diary Note: 5:00 pm Booked in for Puzo-appendectomy today. The Coppolas finally issued legal order for me to hand over Mario Puzo’s appendix from inside my body. Long hospital delays eased not [...]

1st of July, 2004 Diary Note: 3:00 pm Long lunch. Bill Murray has convinced Sofia Coppola to read script. SC ordered lettuce juice and chiko roll. Admitted to not reading entire script. Only surreal Bill Murray/Jessica Alba dream sequence. Likes it lots! Wants to flip entire film around so BM/JA sequence is reality, time travel [...]

1st of June, 2004 Diary Note: 10:25 pm Made important changes to screenplay. Did search and replace on main characters’ names. Female protagonist now Mark. Male protagonist named Rebecca. Think this adds exciting twist to script. Ha! Take that, Ron Howard!! 2nd of June, 2004 Diary Note: 10:25 pm Phone call from Ashley Judd. Angry [...]

1st of May, 2004 Diary Note: 11:55 pm Call from Ashley Judd this afternoon. Poker game delayed until tomorrow night. Gives me more time to practise drawing to inside straight. Stayed home with Luke ‘Perfect Steak’ Perry instead. Watched Average Joe Hawaii finale. Made no sense whatsoever. Called Fabio for explanation. None forthcoming. Drank vodka [...]

1st of April, 2004 Diary Note: 1:05 pm Picked up contact lens cleaner and toupee paste from chemist. Once again, behind Val Kilmer in queue. Frustrating. Does he camp out at chemist waiting for me?? And once again, VK incited delays with unfathomable bout of fury. Tried to calm him down, but to limited avail. [...]

1st of March, 2004 Diary Note: 8:35 pm Spent most of the day making web page for screenplay. Interrupted in mid-afternoon by Neil Diamond, calling to congratulate me on debating victory. Explained that he had partaken of a little too much sherry before show. Asked him for advice about Springsteen’s Downtown rip-off. ND volunteered to [...]