Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Dear Dr Dan, Which lasts longer, U2′s Everlasting Love or The Bangles’ Eternal Flame? – Incapable of Grasping the Infinite Dear Incapable of Grasping the Infinite, According to the UK Singles Chart for 1989, the year in which both singles were released, The Bangles are the surprising victors in this particular smackdown: Four (4) weeks [...]

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Dear Dr Dan When I die, should I be buried or cremated? – Conscious of Mortality Dear Conscious of Mortality, Let’s go over the arguments for each of the options before making a decision: Obviously, if you’re buried, there is a chance that you will rise from the grave as a zombie Similarly, if you’re [...]

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Dear Dr Dan, Is the glass half-empty? Or half-full? – Optimistic About My Pessimism Dear Pessimistic About My Optimism, I don’t think you should look at the glass as being half-full or half-empty. Instead, simply accept the fact that you’re using a glass that is way too big.

Dear Dr Dan, If you could invite any three historical figures over for dinner, who would they be? – Dinner Party Fan Dear Dinner Party Fan I’d have to say Porky Pig (our favourite ham!) and Mr Potato Head, both roasted to perfection and topped with a sauce made of freshly pureed Fiona Apple.

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Dear Dr Dan, I’m bored. Can you suggest something fun to do? – Overcome With Tedium Dear Overcome With Tedium, As long as you have a dead animal carcass and a stopwatch, you can always have fun. Simply hang the carcass from a backyard hook, pull out your stopwatch and measure how long it takes [...]

Dear Dr Dan, My girlfriend has a lot of hair on her arms and legs. She even gets hairs on her lip sometimes. How can I encourage her to look after herself better? I love her, but I don’t want to date a Yeti! – Furious About Follicles Dear Furious About Follicles, The good news [...]

Dear Dr Dan, What can I do about my man-boobs? – Masculine Yet Buxom Dear Masculine Yet Buxom You could try a sex change.

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Dear Dr Dan, I have been with my bf for 2 years but still constantly think about my ex– even though at the end of that relationship, he treated me like crap. What should I do? – Enjoying The Rear View Dear Enjoying The Rear View, I assume that by ‘treated me like crap’, you [...]

Dear Dr Dan, My girlfriend is into all these charities and stuff I just don’t care about. She wants me to sign a petition against Nike™ sweat shops. Should I just go along with it? – Couldn’t Give A Rat’s Dear Couldn’t Give A Rat’s, Your girlfriend is crazy. Talk some sense into her before [...]

Dear Dr Dan, My aunt has invited me to spend a summer in Paris. Should I go? – Oui or Non? Dear Oui or Non?, It must seem tempting to spend some extended time in Paris. Taking in the sights. Spending time with the locals, learning the language. Enjoying the unique atmosphere you’ve heard and [...]