MISCELLANY
Score: 7.3 / 10 
Blockbusters Squared!
Sequels peter out after the first dozen or so. There are only so many old TV shows that can be recycled into movies. And it is, of course, ridiculous to assume that anybody in Hollywood might actually search for an original idea. But here's a simple solution to this heinous stumbling block. What do you do when you need a blockbuster movie? Easy, you combine two previous blockbusters and make twice as much money. The following movies are in various states of production:
Titanic Park
Long before recorded history (ie 1912) giants roamed the Earth, until an ice age (or possibly just an iceberg) ended that era. But now, a team of scientists, historians and ship-builders hidden away on a deserted island have pushed the frontiers of science beyond acceptable limits and, once again, behemoths such as The Titanic live again.
Jeff Goldblum stars as the funny-looking scientist guy who uses chaos theory to prove that rebuilding the Titanic will lead only to terror, far too many Oscars and a brief, inexplicable worldwide obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Godzilla Will Hunting
A gigantic lizard looks set to waste his phenomenal mathematical gifts, preferring instead to live a life of hanging out with his buddies, drinking and laying waste to entire cities. Then Robin Williams grows a beard and gives him a good talking-to. Godzilla Will Hunting reacts by eating him and stomping all over Boston, thereby attaining a sense of inner peace for us all.
In The Line of Mrs Doubtfire
A gun-toting assassin is trying to kill Robin Williams, possibly for his performance in Jumanji. Fortunately, he has Clint Eastwood as his elderly bodyguard. Unfortunately, Clint seems more interested in seducing Rene Russo. Robin therefore uses this as an excuse to dress up as a woman.
As if he needed one.
Indecent Proposal Day
Gigantic spaceships arrive on Earth, blocking out the sun and hovering ominously over major landmarks. They threaten to start destroying major cities one by one unless we let them have one night with Demi Moore.
President Bill Pullman, speaking for all of us, tells them that they can keep her.
Top Gandhi
Tom Cruise stars as Mahatmaverick Gandhi, a fighter pilot who has chosen to adopt an uncommon philosophy of peaceful resistance. Despite his commander continually urging him to bloody well shoot the enemy, Mahatmaverick steadfastly refuses.
It all goes terribly wrong when his copilot Goose is critically injured and admitted to ER. Following this senseless tragedy, Mahatmaverick learns the valuable lesson that there is no point in having nuclear weapons if you don't intend to use them.
-- Back to Miscellany
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