Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Yes, I know I’m three episodes behind on the Smallville Files. But why should that stop me from goofing off with a ‘Fun With Keywords’ post?

So, how did the beautiful people find this site over the past six or so weeks since I last discussed how they found the site? Why, by using these keywords of course:

astonishing tales is my favourite site ever

Well, that’s just sad. You do know there’s porn out there, don’t you?

clark kent smallville is a dick

No, no, no. Superman is a dick. And we all know that the Clark Kent on Smallville has nothing whatsoever to do with Superman.

applying makeup like laura vandervoort

I’m not sure, but I assume it’s got a lot to do with flaunting your navel as you do it.

has allison mack ever been nude

Nope. Not ever. Like Tobias on Arrested Development, she is a Never-Nude™

erica durance leather

Sure, why not. I’m game if she is.

does crumpet mean girl?

Yep. More specifically, an attractive young girl. So, for example, “That piece of crumpet, Laura Vandervoort, sure knows how to apply makeup.” Or “Hands up who wants to see buxom young crumpet, Erica Durance, dressed in leather?” Or “Allison Mack, renowned Never-Nude™, has just looked up on her computer that ‘crumpet’ means ‘girl’.”

Hope that helps.

storylines that should happen on smallville

Oh, gosh. Anything from the old Superboy comics. They were batshit-awesome. Alternatively, an episode with Lois in leather, while Kara applies makeup.

bryan adams watchmen

Yes, in the Watchmen universe, Rorschach did not let Bryan Adams’ smash hit single (Everything I Do) I Do It For You go unpunished. And that’s why the Watchmen universe is awesome. That, and genetically modified lynxes.

working for the fbi like on flashforward?

From what I can gather, on FlashForward, working for the FBI means you pretty much run around doing whatever the hell you want. So, I’d start there, if I were you. Maybe you’ll be recruited.

burst heroic commence furious astonishing vast

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! I know, I know. ‘Commence’ is a verb. All the others are (or can be) adjectives. Am I right? What do I win?

the lies of lesbianism

Oh, it’s all lies. Every single word of it. I mean, really. Self-evident nonsense. Women having sex with women? Prrrffrrrt. I’d like to see that.

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Yeah, I suppose that was to be expected. You’re all looking for The Lost Analysis.

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