Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Okay, beautiful people. Time to set things straight in this very special ‘Lana Lang Bikini’ edition of ‘Fun With Keywords’

lana lang bikini

This is a startlingly common search term and I’m assuming most of you are looking for a picture of Kristin Kreuk sans most of her outer clothes from that episode in season one.

Here’s the thing – you’re not going to see it. To settle the matter once and for all I went back and watched that scene again (is there no sacrifice I won’t make for my loyal readers?). And there is no shot where you see the skimpily clad body and Lana’s face at the same time. It is, in fact, highly probable that the body in question was not even Kreuk’s.

But I know some of you have The Photoshop™. So here are some of the constituent parts of the end part of that scene. Frankenstein it up, people!

1 – Lana in the pool. 2 – 'Lana' getting out of the pool in red bikini. 3 – Lana talking to the Kryptonian lad.

Oh, those Canadian Hollywood wizards, making you see things you didn’t really see!

Here endeth the discussion of ‘lana lang bikini’.

Of course, ‘lana lang viking‘ discussions will be permitted to rage ever onwards.

Now, onto the other keywords used by the beautiful people this past week…

jim and juliet happy ever after in lost season6

Gosh, that’d be nice, wouldn’t it? But I would have thought it very, very unlikely.

smallville gay storyline

According to some schools of thought, every single storyline that featured young Master Kent and the bald fella.

“1811 overture” tschaikowski

Fair enough. Tchaikovsky is tricky to spell, what with the translation from the Russian and all. And 1812? Why, that’s one of the trickier numbers to remember, too, what with all those tricksy divisors. Stick with 1811 – it’s nice and prime.

constellation columbo

I’m pretty sure the Columbo constellation is the one just behind Sagittarius, hassling the archer about possible suspicious involvement in the death of one of those Gemini twins.

dc comic bearded wizard

Gosh – there are quite a few options here. But I’m going to go out on a limb (metaphorically, obviously – I would never literally traverse a limb, far too dangerous) and suggest you’re thinking of Billy Batson’s favourite enabler ‘Shazam’:

That's a lot of beard, to be sure

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