Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

There is only one psychologically approved way to assess anybody’s personality. Namely, by mapping it to a song by 80’s supergroup Dexy’s Midnight Runners.

Take this simple quiz and answer the age-old question of ‘Which Dexy’s Midnight Runner’s Song Are You?’

Question One: Do you know any fiddlers?

Violinists you mean? Sure. I am one.

Violinists you mean? Sure. I know one.

Violinists you mean? Of course not.

Yes.

Question Two: Complete this phrase: Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye…

Ay

Bee

Sea

Dee

Question Three: Do you consider stand-alone overalls (aka ‘bib-and-brace’) a fashion statement worth adopting?

Only when playing the banjo.

Only when playing the accordion.

Only when dancing a peculiar little jig.

Only when one needs to display one’s armpit hair.

Question Four: When you are exhausted, but not in a position to sit down, what do you do?

I swear violently.

I lean.

I commit suicide.

I refuse to answer this question.

Question Five: Do you enjoy stalking women as part of a group of finger-clicking, tempo-increasing men?

Of course I do.

What?!?

This is the stupidest quiz I’ve ever taken.

Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye-Ay

You are Come On Eileen, the toe-tapping chart-topper of 1982. You are a towering colossus, unique and all-conquering. You are a work of genius, acclaimed by all who know you. Those who don’t know you wish they did. You bring joy to everybody you meet and make the world a happier and smaller place by your esteemed presence, which unites enemies and brings friends even closer together. You were written by Kevin Rowland, “Big” Jim Paterson, and Billy Adams and achieved massive chart success worldwide. You go through a number of key changes, from F major to C major to D major, cunningly eschewing the minor keys, which are beneath your sublime awesomeness. You are in no way related to the pornographic film clip of the same name.

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