Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

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I was going to review Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Honest, I was. After all, I’d already covered the original cartoon television show as well as Transformers Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, so the new movie was a done deal, right?

But then I read this review over at io9 (Michael Bay Finally Made An Art Movie), and realised that nothing I could possibly come up with would top observations such as:

“No matter how great a loser they might be, they can’t be as losery a loser as Sam Witwicky. And yet, Sam has awesome giant robots stomping around telling him he’s the most important awesome person ever. And he has the hottest girlfriend in the universe, Megan Fox, for whom banality is a huge aphrodisiac. The more pathetic Sam gets, the more Fox’s lips pout and her nipples point, like little Irish setters”

or

“It’s the part of your brain that thinks it would be awesome to see robots with giant dangling testicles, or hot chicks turning into robot tentacle monsters, or “ghetto” robots that talk in inept hip-hop slang and smash each other playfully, or funny Jewish men who talk about their “schmear” and randomly strip to their G-strings. Is that going too far? Then let’s go 100 times farther than that and see what happens!”

or

“And yet — and here’s the part where I really think ROTF approaches “art movie” status — the movie’s id overload reaches such crazy levels that the fabric of reality itself starts to break down. Michael Bay has boasted about how every single shot in the movie has so much stuff going on in it, it would take your PC since the dawn of time to render one frame. After a few hours of this assault, you feel the chair melt and the floor of the movie theater becomes an angry mirror into your soul. Nothing is solid, nothing is real, everything Transforms.”

or so much more.

Go, read for yourself. I have nothing more to add.

Well, except for this link that lets you (with the aid of only a webcam and possibly the hardest working web server on Earth) transform into an Autobot (here’s me holding my morning bottle of V™ Energy drink)

Much, much less than meets the eye

Still not satisifed? Fine. Here’s a picture of Megan Fox in costume for the new Jonah Hex movie. More than meets the eye, indeed!

Corsets – awesome in days of yore. Awesome today.

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