Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Can't wait for the next volume of Heroes to show up? Sick of the stupid writers making suspect plotting decisions? Eliminate the middle man and make your own volume of Heroes:

Accidental time travel A prophetic drawings A timely Twitter #hashtag The ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi gives Hiro Parkman Robot HRG a hopelessly lost Kim Kardashian a glimpse of an apocalyptic future in the form of New York's total destruction a killer virus a Justin Timberlake world tour a telepathic exploding squid .

Our Heroes take various sides in the battle, with The Company coming down hard on the side of good evil calculated indifference Dexy's Midnight Runners . Peter Petrelli, sporting a new array of powers haircut outlook on Darwinism scrotum piercing , joins forces with Claude a random Irish chick Boss Hogg a future version of himself to try and undo the future, now revealed to be caused by the evil machinations of Linderman Adam Monroe Jeb Bush super-intelligent bees played by guest villain Malcolm McDowell David Anders Adam West Jar Jar Binks .

The key to saving the future is also revealed: Save The Cheerleader, Save The World Find a cure for the Shanti virus Roll 18 on a Saving Throw against Apocalyptic Destruction Ensure Marty's parents kiss at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance .

Meanwhile, Hiro and Ando must, inexplicably, steal a sword prevent an Indian wedding from taking place bicker tediously until you want to bang their heads together like coconuts tap dance for their supper . Also, Parkman falls in love with Daphne his wife Skulky The Turtle Wonder his own reflection and Ali Larter is revealed to be playing a character named Niki Jessica Tracy Donkey Girl . Elsewhere, Sylar takes a road trip with Mohinder a pair of random Brazilians an annoying snotnosed brat Han and Chewie . The road trip is a predictable hotbed of forbidden sexual chemistry dramatic tension Burger King toilet stops Mariah Carey mix tapes .

As the final battle looms, Nathan comes to his senses and switches sides religions batting stances sexual orientation , giving the Heroes a momentary advantage cheap thrill bout of leprosy chance for an actor's strike . However, all looks lost until Claire throws herself out of a window donates blood dons a Wesley Snipes mask takes a sick day , thereby saving the day world global financial community viewer from any further nonsense .

Wasn't that fun?

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