Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Because I can no longer point you to my friend Morgan’s awesome Heroes recaps each week (given, y’know, the absence of Heroes and her shameful falling-into-line behaviour on that score), I’ll instead steal another idea from her and offer y’all an insight into some of the keywords used to find this site during the last week:

basic storyline of smallville

I don’t think I can help you with a basic version. But here’s the insanely complicated Smallville storyline (up to Season Seven)

chloe in loises body

Oh, no doubt. I remember Lionel in Clark’s body. And, of course, Clark in Lionel’s body. And Jor-El in Jonathan’s body. And Zod in Lex’s body. And a witch in Lana’s body (sigh). So, I’m sure Chloe’s been in Lois’s body at some point. But Rao only knows when.

magical removal of kidney stones

Surgeons! You’d better be working on this. Wizards too, I suppose.

dress-up like lana lang

Is that really necessary? Isn’t one enough? More than enough?

flower torture superman

Bizarrely, I know exactly what you’re getting at here. It’s from the opening book of Morrison’s JLA run. And awesome stuff it is, too.

how is dawson’s creek postmodern?

Presumably, because they spent every other episode discussing on, at least some level, the nuances and tropes of their own goddamned show – see, as the most notable example of this, the series finale

i hate it when someone with body odour sits next to me

Yep. Me too. Try this trick.

annette o’toole breast augmentation

Heck, I’m going to go with a ‘no’ on this one. Sometimes, mothers of superheroes simply have naturally large breasts.

ikea open good friday

Gosh, it certainly should be, shouldn’t it? I’m sure Jesus didn’t die for our sins in order to prevent us from installing a cheap, yet stylish bookshelf.

judge judy twitching

Give her a break. She’s old.

movies of pert breasts
the tom welling navel porn
what is in smurf drug

I hope this is all just the one person. Because I’d love to get high on some smurf drugs and settle in for a double showing of Welling belly-button nudie flick followed by some of that high-falutin’ pert breast cinema.

sexy x-men

You can probably make a case for the vast majority of them. But I’m going to go for a fur bikini-clad Emma Frost.

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