Final Crisis: Issue Six – How To Murder The Earth
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The penultimate issue and things ain’t looking good. We start with Brainiac Five showing Superman (who is apparently lazing around in the future, while everybody else is doing hard yards in the present) the ‘Ultimate Weapon’ (some kind of kickass digital nunchuuk, presumably). Supes isn’t really paying attention, so B5 slaps some sense into him – Brainiac 5 and Superman, the Cheney and Bush of the 31st Century.
Back in the present, Mary Marvel and Supergirl continue their no-holds-barred fight. This is highly regarded by all aficionados of spandex girl-on-spandex girl fighting (ie most of comic book readerdom). There’s the usual fetishistic nonsense, with even some nicely played name-calling at one point as Mary Marvel calls Supergirl a ’slut’, to which Supergirl responds by developing an eating disorder. For even more out there fetishists, the Mary Marvel-Supergirl fight is followed by some, uh, tiger-on-tiger action as Tawny the Tiger and Kalibak go at it. Oh, Morrison, you truly do satisfy all sexually deviant palates, don’t you?
I don't care how tough you are, Bats. That's gotta hurt.
Following those minor victories of suspect taste, things start to hit a very large fan. And by ‘things’, I mean ’shit’. The JLA is defeated by brainwashed Green Arrow (still, the best GA going, for my money) and co. Evil Wonder Woman and her dog-riding (so evil!) cohorts bring trouble down on a castleful of other holdouts, while a pair of Atoms come up with some kind of last ditch rescue plan (I believe they intend to form a ‘Molecule’). Finally, Bats somehow faces off Darkseid, armed with a magic bullet he pocketed back in one of the earlier issues. He makes a ‘one-off’ gun-toting exception (where ‘one-off’ equals ‘not counting Golden Age Batman who wielded a six-shooter like they were going out of style – which they were. Golden Age Bats – fashion savvy). He shoots Darkseid, but not before Darkseid zaps him with a couple of Omega Beams and kills him totally dead.
MVP: Luthor. Not impressed with Libra’s offer (last issue) for first shot at Supergirl, he turns the tables and, uh, kills him and prepares to take up duties as ‘the voice of Darkseid’. Presumably on some kind of syndicated radio show.
(Recommended other links: Geoff Klock’s review of this issue – in which Geoff vents his frustration in his inimitable fashion)
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Posted: January 19th, 2009 under crises.
Tags: brainiac 5, eating disorders, final crisis, golden age batman, green arrow, mary marvel, palates (sexually deviant), spandex
[...] probably looking for their fight from Grant Morrison’s Final Crisis, Issue Six. Curiously, I only just today received a copy of the hardcover collection of [...]