Final Crisis: Issue Five – Into Oblivion
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Onto the fifth issue (or ‘issue five’ as the traditionalists will insist upon calling it). We open with Hal Jordan on trial for killing a god. His accuser, an Alpha Lantern possessed by the evil Granny Goodness, puts forth her evidence: “You have a scar on your head and you can’t remember whether or not you committed this foul act of deicide. Also, you were once, ludicrously, possessed by a ‘yellow fear monster’. You must be guilty.” Hal puts up a spirited defence: “‘kay,” he says. Luckily, some other GL’s show up and point out that the scar could have come from anywhere as Jordan’s always getting hit on the head with stuff. And, furthermore, the whole ‘possessed by Granny Goodness’ thing means the prosecutor is, in fact, a total bitch. A fight erupts.
It is difficult to know what is most ridiculous - the name (Mr Terrific), the logo ('Fair Play') or the power ('invisible to machines'). So let's go with the mask.
Meanwhilst, back on Earth. there’s even more fighting. It’s frankly hard to keep track of what the heck is happening. But one thing’s for sure, Mr Terrific sure looks ridiculous with his ‘Fair Play’ logo down his jacket sleeves. Also, he calls himself ‘Mr Terrific’ and he’s barely terrifying at all. Luckily, there’s an attempt to trump him by Mr Miracle, who, while he doesn’t have ‘Fair Play’ or any other sports shoe marketing slogans on his costume, does have a bullet-proof vest beneath it. This explains why he’s not dead after being shot last issue, but surely doesn’t qualify as ‘miraculous’. Regardless, he explains the situation: “The war broke time and space. A fallen devil-god is dragging us down with him into a deep, dark hole in time, with no light, no hope and no escape.” “Okay,” says Mr Terrific. “So, uh, where is Superman again?”
Supes is nowhere to be found (as you’d expect – he talks a good fight, does Big Blue, but he’s oft the first to go missing in a crisis – anybody else remember how in the original Crisis he flaked out and let Supergirl do most of the hard (ie, deadly) yards against the Anti-Monitor?), so instead Supergirl steps up again, heat-visioning Mary Marvel in the face. “Thanks,” says Captain Marvel. “She’s so difficult to defeat when she’s possessed.” “She was possessed?” says Supergirl.
The issue ends as you’d expect with, a, uh, crazy person solving a Rubik’s Cube while Darkseid swallows the Earth into his soul, amid an epic speech of terror.
MVP: Libra (remember him?) He’s urging Luthor to be more evil. Luthor, for freak’s sake. More evil. And as a sweetener, he offers Lex the opportunity to be ‘first in line with Supergirl’. Oh, Libra. You are generous with your rape offerings.
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Posted: December 24th, 2008 under crises.
Tags: bullet proof vests, final crisis, spirited defence, sports shoe slogans, time and space, traditionalists