Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

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In his 1985 smash hit single, California Girls, renowned wallflower David Lee Roth revisited a political housing scheme originally proposed by The Beach Boys while stonked out of their minds on the Lucy.

In essence, Roth was proposing that all girls in the United States – be they ‘hip’ ones from the East Coast, knock-outs from the South, farmer’s daughters from the Midwest or the electrically heated smoochers of the North – all the girls should be forcibly relocated to the state of California. At no point in the song does Roth go on to discuss the massive economic and sociological ramifications of such a full-scale demographic shift, nor does he consider the possible housing funding structures required to accommodate the enormous population influx that would result from his outlandish proposal. No, Mr Roth – a renowned gigolo – is simply thinking with his ‘wang’.

But wait, you (or somebody doing an eerily accurate imitation of you) say. Surely it’s crazy to run around, hormones a-raging, making far-reaching political decisions based solely on their propensity to provide you with an endless supply of sexual conquests. Well, maybe it is. But try telling that to the Governor of Arkansas at the time…

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