Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

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Robert Palmer died in 2003 at the tenderised age of 54. His premature death can be traced directly to his infamous mule-headedry when it came to the medical profession. Nowhere is this more clear than in his 1979 smash hit single, Doctor, Doctor (Bad Case Of Loving You). In this song, despite initially begging his physician to give him ‘the news’, Palmer immediately interrupts with his own inane self-diagnosis (ie, the parenthetically titular bad case of ‘loving you’). He goes on to claim that ‘no pill’ is going to cure his ill, before (apparently) self-prescribing a kick-ass guitar solo.

Kick-ass guitar solos have their place in medicine, obviously, but they’ve been shown to be completely ineffective in the prevention of massive myocardial infarctions (see The American Journal of Top 40 Medicine, January 1974. Featured article: “The placebo effect of identically-garbed clone models pouting in the background and dancing terribly.”)

Doctors. They’re not just pretty faces, people. Not these days.

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