Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Some euphemisms I love. ‘Batting on a sticky wicket’, for example. I love that. And then there are euphemisms that just don’t work. The worst of these is, undoubtedly, ‘he’s shuffled off this mortal coil’. For one thing, if it’s a woman who has died, it’s plainly pronoun-inaccurate. For another, even if it’s a …

Situation: Bad stuff is going down. Villainous villainy has initiated a world-wide crisis situation! You can choose one fictional hero from television or movies to sort the mess out. Who would it be? Which Butt-Kicker Are You? Take the test and find out. Rules: Fictional heroes only. Let’s face it, no real person is going [...]

Table of Contents #118 – Germ Free Generation, Book One of Three #119 – Germ Free Generation, Book Two of Three #120 – Germ Free Generation, Book Three of Three #121 – Silence #122 – Imperial #123 – Testament #124 – Superdestroyer #125 – Losers #126 – All Hell Issue One Hundred And Eighteen – [...]

You know what I would find refreshing? Common Situation: Captured by an evil mad scientist, gloating and cackling. Aforementioned mad scientist seals me into his death trap (say, a giant curling iron of some ilk). Mad Scientist utters the phrase ‘Time to die, Mr Bond’ (mad scientists always call me ‘Mr Bond’. I have no [...]

Consider the lyrics to the chorus of the smash hit single Circle of Life performed by Mr Elton John, lyrics Tim Rice: In the Circle of Life It’s the wheel of fortune, It’s the leap of faith, It’s the band of hope Am I the only eagle-eared listener who, upon hearing these lyrics, is overwhelmed [...]

When I was a kid, my next door neighbour Jasper was renowned throughout the local community as a guitar-playing prodigy. People used to say he had more talent in his little finger than most guitarists have in their entire body. And they were right. Because after I chopped that finger off one bored summer afternoon [...]

Have I mentioned my deep-seated hatred of hoop earrings? People (eg Kiki Dee) often ask me from where this loathing stems. I always tell Kiki the same thing: it stems from the fact that hoop earrings have a centre of gravity that doesn’t rest on the surface of the earring itself. That kind of madness [...]

The Bee Gees started a joke that started the whole world crying. And you thought Carrot Top was bad! Of course, the brothers Gibb then abandoned comedy and went into music (and, later, disco), so they can be forgiven. But let that be a lesson to aspiring comics everywhere – if you’re going to deliver [...]

There have been some criticisms of the smash-hit film Superman Returns since it opened. “They’ve made Superman gay!” say some. “The film moves too slowly,” others have complained. “How dare they make Jimmy Olsen likable!” say a third category. “Do they have no respect for the Superman mythos at all?” And then, of course, there [...]

I don’t care what anybody else thinks, I still insist there are far too few songs about spatial disorientation. Off the top of my head, I can only name three of any significance: Dizzy (Vic Reeves and the Wonder Stuff), You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) (Dead or Alive) and Upside Down (Diana Ross). [...]