Archive for July, 2006
Mortal Coil
Some euphemisms I love. ‘Batting on a sticky wicket’, for example. I love that. And then there are euphemisms that just don’t work. The worst of these is, undoubtedly, ‘he’s shuffled off this mortal coil’. For one thing, if it’s a woman who has died, it’s plainly pronoun-inaccurate. For another, even if it’s a …
Posted: July 31st, 2006 under thoughts.
Tags: euphemisms, funeral directors, mortal coils, serial killers
Comments: 1
The Top Ten Kickers of Butt You Want On Your Side When Things Go Pear-Shaped

Situation: Bad stuff is going down. Villainous villainy has initiated a world-wide crisis situation! You can choose one fictional hero from television or movies to sort the mess out. Who would it be? Which Butt-Kicker Are You? Take the test and find out. Rules: Fictional heroes only. Let’s face it, no real person is going [...]
Posted: July 31st, 2006 under butt-kickers.
Tags: batusi, controversial choice, dark knight detective, fictional heroes, kate holmes, legolas, lex luthor, middle earth, mr kent, pragmatists, rule of thumb
Comments: 2
New X-Men Book 2: Imperial

Table of Contents #118 – Germ Free Generation, Book One of Three #119 – Germ Free Generation, Book Two of Three #120 – Germ Free Generation, Book Three of Three #121 – Silence #122 – Imperial #123 – Testament #124 – Superdestroyer #125 – Losers #126 – All Hell Issue One Hundred And Eighteen – [...]
Posted: July 30th, 2006 under x-men.
Tags: gibberish, henchmen, human unhappiness, kudos, mutant powers, nonsense, proclaimers, redheads, squabbling, troublemakers, umbrage, vomit
Comments: none
Time To Die
You know what I would find refreshing? Common Situation: Captured by an evil mad scientist, gloating and cackling. Aforementioned mad scientist seals me into his death trap (say, a giant curling iron of some ilk). Mad Scientist utters the phrase ‘Time to die, Mr Bond’ (mad scientists always call me ‘Mr Bond’. I have no [...]
Posted: July 28th, 2006 under thoughts.
Tags: curling irons, geeks, mad scientists, magic, utterances
Comments: none
Sir Elton John

Consider the lyrics to the chorus of the smash hit single Circle of Life performed by Mr Elton John, lyrics Tim Rice: In the Circle of Life It’s the wheel of fortune, It’s the leap of faith, It’s the band of hope Am I the only eagle-eared listener who, upon hearing these lyrics, is overwhelmed [...]
Posted: July 24th, 2006 under music.
Tags: brides, ellipsoid, elton john lyrics, gumption, kiss the bride, leap of faith, pluck, superiors, wheel of fortune, wheels
Comments: none
Dis Chord
When I was a kid, my next door neighbour Jasper was renowned throughout the local community as a guitar-playing prodigy. People used to say he had more talent in his little finger than most guitarists have in their entire body. And they were right. Because after I chopped that finger off one bored summer afternoon [...]
Posted: July 23rd, 2006 under thoughts.
Tags: guitarists, jasper, little fingers, locals, prodigies
Comments: none
Hoop Earrings
Have I mentioned my deep-seated hatred of hoop earrings? People (eg Kiki Dee) often ask me from where this loathing stems. I always tell Kiki the same thing: it stems from the fact that hoop earrings have a centre of gravity that doesn’t rest on the surface of the earring itself. That kind of madness [...]
Posted: July 19th, 2006 under thoughts.
Tags: cockamamie, freaks, hoop earrings, kiki dee, loathing, madness, tom skerritt
Comments: none
Bee Gees

The Bee Gees started a joke that started the whole world crying. And you thought Carrot Top was bad! Of course, the brothers Gibb then abandoned comedy and went into music (and, later, disco), so they can be forgiven. But let that be a lesson to aspiring comics everywhere – if you’re going to deliver [...]
Posted: July 16th, 2006 under music.
Tags: carrot top, comics, disco, falsetto, mining disasters
Comments: none
Superman Returns

There have been some criticisms of the smash-hit film Superman Returns since it opened. “They’ve made Superman gay!” say some. “The film moves too slowly,” others have complained. “How dare they make Jimmy Olsen likable!” say a third category. “Do they have no respect for the Superman mythos at all?” And then, of course, there [...]
Posted: July 10th, 2006 under movies.
Tags: easiest sudoku, john williams, loathing, mythos, opening titles, stetsons, superman fans
Comments: none
Vic Reeves and the Wonder Stuff

I don’t care what anybody else thinks, I still insist there are far too few songs about spatial disorientation. Off the top of my head, I can only name three of any significance: Dizzy (Vic Reeves and the Wonder Stuff), You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) (Dead or Alive) and Upside Down (Diana Ross). [...]
Posted: July 7th, 2006 under music.
Tags: cher, diana ross, digital rights management, einstein s theory of relativity, fundamental tenets, riaa, spatial disorientation
Comments: 2