Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

When you are a devoted monarchist/Catholic, it is a joy and privilege to keep tabs on royal families and the Pope. Heck, even when you’re not, it has its benefits…

18 November, 2005

Shattering sporting update! Prince Charles has retired from the polo scene. Oh sure, I could make a joke here about getting hot and sweaty riding horses but I’m not the kind of person who would make such a joke. Frankly, the sex life of Charles and Camilla is none of my business.

22 April, 2005

Following up yesterday’s endorsement of RapSinger as the new CEO of PopeWorld, Gnat has a different point of view. Why, he writes, given that the Pope can choose his name, did he go for Benedict? Why not something like Pope Man-God the Omnipotent or something humble like that? We both say: Wake up, Popes!!

21 April, 2005

Can I be the 6314th person to say that I’m so glad that the Catholic Church has elected somebody named ‘RapSinger’ as Pope. Way to get the kids back in, guys. Phat.

4 March, 2005

Well, perhaps this is now a Royal Family Watcher Blog, after all. Because I feel an overwhelming urge to spring to the Queen’s defence following her recent inability to recognise certain rock and roll guitarists. Seriously, people, can you blame her? Look at them – they’re all old! Relics, has-beens, tired old pop stars. You can bet that if Liz had been introduced to, say, Beyonce or Green Day or Fantasia (to name just three ‘phat’ entertainers that the kids are really grooving to these days) she would have known their names and perhaps might have even taken the opportunity to ‘chill’ with them and discuss relevant pop matters (eg digital rights management). I say, Palace Guards, let the Queen meet more interesting people. Stop imposing your antiquated rock and roll tastes on her. That is all.

25 February, 2005

Now, I don’t want to turn this site into a non-stop ‘what’s the English royal family up to now’ blog (or do I?? Note to self: consider further) but I’ve just got to say that I don’t see what the fuss is about with the Queen vowing not to attend Charles’ upcoming wedding. She’s refusing to attend my upcoming wedding also, and you don’t
see me whining to the tabloids about it. I say: Chuck, Flicka – get over it.

24 January, 2005

Now that all the needless hubbub about Prince Harry dressing up as a Nazi has settled down, is it not time we approached this issue with some sanity and/or gritty work-a-day pluck?

Let’s not forget that young Harry is currently running a stout-hearted third in line to the throne of England. (And not just England either – by my reckoning there are over three dozen countries over which Herr Majesty would reign, including, but not limited to, Australia, Narnia and certain parts of southern Chile.) If Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles and Prince William all died (say, in a freak human pyramid accident or on a reality television show) then Harry would be king. And don’t think it couldn’t happen. Have we all forgotten King Ralph so quickly?

So the young swastika-wielder is a mere three, easily arranged, deaths from the throne? Now I may be old-fashioned. I may in fact be so old-fashioned that my beliefs pre-date the 1689 English Bill of Rights. It certainly would’t be the first time and, to be blunt, I doubt it will be the last. But I say that if Harry is to be king, then he should be free to do as he pleases. If he wants to dress up as a Nazi, then he should be allowed to do so. If he would like to behead random wives, he should be allowed to do so. If he would like to trade his kingdom for a horse, then, by gum, we should all be standing to one side and applauding his astute economic wiliness in cornering that particular equine market.

Because, otherwise, why would one bother being king? For the money? For the prestige?? For the chicks??? Don’t make me laugh. Or, if you do, try and do so with some kind of humorous quotation or knock knock joke, rather than a triplet of non-amusing rhetorical questions. I mean, really, we have standards here.

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