Watchmen Cast

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Who watches the Watchmen? Well, heck, we do.

Main Characters

Splotchface

Splotchface

NAME(S): Rorschach, Splotchface

NOTES: An inquisitive and brutal psychopath who takes it upon himself to solve the murder of The Dead Comedian. Amuses himself by breaking the fingers of random troublemakers and Communists.

KEY WORD: Hurm

(See also my analysis of the Watchmen Rorschach poster)

MegaSmurf

MegaSmurf

NAME(S): Doctor Manhattan, Jon Osterman, MegaSmurf

NOTES: An omipotent, omniscient, giant nude smurf. Can see all of time and space, can replicate into multiple bodies. Can sing the blues and host a bar mitzvah. Can, in short, do pretty much anything. No wonder Bimbo Lass fell for him.

KEY WORD: Smurfy

(See also my analysis of the Watchmen Dr Manhattan poster)

Captain Pudgey

Captain Pudgey

NAME(S): Nite Owl, Daniel Dreiberg, Captain Pudgey

NOTES: A retired, middle-aged superhero who has let himself go, much to the chagrin of Splotchface. Is swiftly seduced by the super-power of Bimbo Lass’s mini-skirt.

KEY WORD: Flabby

(See also my analysis of the Watchmen Nite Owl poster)

Other Characters

LORD SMARTYPANTS: The smartest superhero in the world. Likes to accuse people of Nazism (see also my analysis of the Watchmen Ozymandias Poster).

THE DEAD COMEDIAN: A murdered rapist Nazi and, hence, the funniest hero in the series (see also my analysis of the Watchmen Comedian Poster).

BIMBO LASS: Very saucy young lady whose superpowered short skirt enables her to seduce both MegaSmurf and Captain Pudgey. Tragically she does not make them wrestle for her affections (see also my analysis of the Watchmen Silk Spectre Poster).

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Related Pages

If you hated this, you'll probably also hate:

  1. The Watchmen Files, Issue 7: Captain Pudgey and Bimbo Lass Get It On
  2. The Watchmen Files, Issue 2: Flashback… What A Feeling!
  3. The Watchmen Files, Issue 1: Boy That’s Funny!
  4. The Watchmen Files: Introduction
  5. The Watchmen Files, Issue 5: Splotchface Unsplotched!

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