Archive for March, 2006
Lost Cast: Sawyer
Sawyer
AKA
Sawyer
Josh Holloway
Scruffy McGee
Strengths
Hoards everything
Man enough to make a move on Freckles
Is often armed
Weaknesses
Murders people he doesn’t intend to murder
Needs reading glasses
Highlight
Getting tortured by Crazy Arab and Charlie Salinger
Other Facts
Troublemaker
Vengeful, but inaccurate
Is desperate to be in Freckles’ pants
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Shannon
AKA
The Princess
Maggie Grace
Strengths
Ability to speak French (kinda)
Looks good in a bikini
Enjoys blackmailing Boone
Weaknesses
Desire to have sex with her brother
Highlight
Being killed by The Monster. Or not.
Being killed by Ana Lucia. Or, um, yes in fact.
Other Facts
Was doing the deed with Sayid
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Tags: bikini, princess, pseudo-incestual lust
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Boone
AKA
The Prince
Ian Somerhalder
Strengths
Is theoretically a lifeguard
Weaknesses
Terminally stupid
Prone to having sex with his sister
Dead
Highlight
Being tied up by Locke and happily forgiving him by the next episode
Other Facts
Wants to be just like Locke when he grows up
So much so he clambered into a death plane just to win his approval
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Tags: prince, pseudo-incestual lust, theoretical lifeguards
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Claire
Claire
AKA
Pregnant Chick
Emilie de Ravin
Strengths
Being pregnant
Weaknesses
Prone to nightmares about being kidnapped
Prone to being kidnapped
Prone to being pregnant
Prone to being manipulated into boarding doomed planes by crazy psychic people
Prone to falling in love with Merry
Prone to crashing cars and sending her mother into a coma
Highlight
Being kidnapped and dragged off into the bush while Merry was hanged by [...]
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Hurley
Hurley
AKA
Porky
Jorge Garcia
Strengths
Golf course design
Has an imaginary friend
Weaknesses
Wants people to pee on him
Cursed
Imaginary friend is from Sex And The City
Highlight
Won millions of dollars using an awful, cursed set of numbers
Other Facts
Likes golf, eating
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Sun
Sun
AKA
Mrs Hit Man Jin
Yunjin Kim
Strengths
Can speak English
Weaknesses
Refuses to tell people she can speak English
Highlight
Wearing a bikini on the beach in direct defiance of Hit Man Jin
Other Facts
Lies about the languages she can speak
Likes herb gardens
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: The Monster
The Monster
AKA
Big, Scary Monster
Strengths
Big
Scary
Noisy
Murderous
Weaknesses
Difficult to get a good glimpse of
When you get a glimpse of it, turns out to be a fluffy black cloud
Highlight
Eating the pilot
Other Facts
May just be a figment of Walt’s imagination
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Charlie
Charlie
AKA
Merry
Dominic Monaghan
Dirty Tricksy Hobbit
Strengths
None to date
Weaknesses
Can’t fight
Refuses to die
Whines
Moans
Recovering drug addict
Reads other people’s diaries
Steals babies
Is putty in the hands of Sawyer
Highlight
Being hanged
Drowning
Lowlight
Surviving being hanged
Other Facts
Can be defeated by bees
Has vomited in a photocopier
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Ana Lucia
Ana Lucia Cortez
AKA
Hot Lips
Michelle Rodriguez
Strengths
Takes no nonsense
Kicks serious butt
Great lips
Can dig holes like nobody’s business
Weaknesses
Slightly trigger happy
Hung out with The Doc’s drunk dad for a while
Highlight
Shooting The Princess.
Lowlight
Being shot by Black Dad.
Posted: March 27th, 2006 under lost.
Comments: Comments
Lost Cast: Jin
Jin
AKA
Hit Man Jin
Daniel Dae Kim
Strengths
Korean Mob Hitman
Builds kick-ass boats
Will let kids pee anywhere they please
Weaknesses
Sort of wants to be nice
Highlight
Refusing to pee on Porky
Other Facts
Doesn’t like urinating on people