Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

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Magic stones! To the seasoned Smallville viewer (or, indeed, to one who has seen only the fourth season) they are words that invoke trembling and fear.

And eye-glazing.

If your eyes glazed over every time those bloody stones were mentioned and you feel you may have missed something fundamental, then fret not. You are not alone. Unglaze those peepers. Here’s a quick summary of what those stones are all about:

1. There’s three of them
2. When the three of them are combined, the combiner is given magic powers or the Earth is destroyed or some damn thing
3. There are Native American and/or Kryptonian symbols (it is often hard to tell the difference these days) inscribed upon them
4. They have something to do with Lana being a witch in a former life
5. The SS Jor-El is muddled up with them somehow, as you might expect

Sure, that’s not a particularly helpful list, given, y’know, my own tendency to do a refrigerator run whenever the stones were mentioned. But it’s still a starting point. If anybody has any better ideas, then feel free to let me know.

In the meantime, here’s a tip – whenever the cast talk about the stones why not pretend instead that they’re discussing Bo’s kidney stones? It’ll make just as much sense and provide the drunken viewer with much-needed laughs.

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